Or you're nominated for an award. When the local news media reach out to you for an interview, you decline saying it's really not a big deal. You didn't do anything special. You are afraid to give the interview because you know if you do, everyone will see what you have always known. You don't deserve this...or any other...award. You are a fraud.
If you can relate to these stories, or similar situations, the truth is crystal clear. You are not a fraud. You suffer from a condition. One that affects a multitude of others as well.
It's called Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome is a condition that frequently affects high-achieving people and convinces them that they are unworthy of their success. This false belief can stem from many places including a feeling that you don’t belong, an overly critical upbringing, past trauma, and even your own inner voice.
Some people use imposter syndrome to push themselves to
achieve even more. In these situations, you might use your fear as motivation.
You tell yourself that you have to succeed because you don’t
want anyone to know the truth about you. But as soon as you accomplish one
thing, you immediately begin focusing on the next one. This creates a cycle
where you’re forever pursuing bigger and more complicated goals.
For others, the fear that comes with imposter syndrome breeds
procrastination. You fear that you’ll do the project wrong and everyone will
realize that you never were that competent to start with.
So instead of completing the project, you keep putting it
off. Once the project has reached critical status, then you’ll get it done.
This can be a defense mechanism as you can tell yourself that you’d do a better
job if you’d only had more time.
When Are You Most Likely to Experience Imposter Syndrome?
You can experience imposter syndrome at any point in your
life or career. However, there can be certain times that you’re more likely to
experience it than others. These include new situations such as starting your
graduate program, going after the promotion you really want, or a shifting
romantic relationship.
I experienced imposter syndrome after an unexpected
promotion into management. The previous manager left after only 4 months on the job. So, I was promoted.
Despite the fact that I had already been handling most of
the workload for my former boss, I still felt underprepared for the task of
leading my co-workers. It wasn’t until a colleague encouraged me that I began to realize I was viewing myself differently than those around me did.
The truth is that imposter syndrome often leads you to live
in your head where your self-perception can become warped. Like a fun house
mirror distorts your vision, you don’t see your own abilities and
accomplishments accurately.
How Does Imposter Syndrome Affect Relationships?
When many people think of imposter syndrome, their first
thought is of their career or academic accomplishments. But what you may not
realize is that imposter syndrome can affect your relationships as well.
I was bullied throughout middle school and high school.
As I got older, I found a core group of friends who loved on me and
were fiercely supportive of me. But despite this, I often found myself going along with whatever the group wanted me to do.
I was afraid that their acceptance was dependent on my performance. In my mind, I had to be easygoing and not make waves in order
to be considered a good friend. I didn’t realize that my friends loved me just for who I was.
It’s not just friendships that are affected. Your romantic
relationships can also be influenced if you have imposter syndrome. You might
feel that you constantly have to achieve to be worthy of your spouse’s
attention or that you need to “do your part” in order to have your partner stay
with you.
Why Are You Experiencing Imposter Syndrome?
There are many reasons that someone might experience imposter
syndrome in their personal or professional life. It could be due to low
self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness.
For others, it’s linked to family expectations. In these situations,
your family may have quietly sent you the message that it’s not who you are
that matters. It’s what you do. As a result, you feel the need to achieve in
order to get the validation and love that you want.
Still, it can also be linked to what you believe is your
core identity. You might believe that you have to be “the responsible one” or
“the smart one”. You work hard to maintain that image in front of others for
fear that you’ll lose your identity if you stop performing.
What Should You Know about Imposter Syndrome?
If there’s one important message that you need to hear in
the middle of imposter syndrome, it’s this: you are not alone.
Many of the smart, talented, and successful people around you also experience
the same fears, insecurities, and doubts as you do.
There are a host of successful celebrities, entrepreneurs,
authors, and leaders that have openly admitted to struggling with imposter
syndrome. Some of these include names you may already be familiar with such as
Maya Angelou, Neil Gaiman, Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, and Emma Watson.
Even with all of their success, these celebrities and
successful leaders find themselves worried that they’re not all that good or
talented. They think their success was a fluke or simply the result of good
luck.
Yet if you’ve ever watched a Tom Hanks or Emma Watson film,
you’d be quick to point out their talent. If you listened to Maya Angelou or
Michelle Obama, you’d be impressed by their accomplishments.
Should You Let Imposter Syndrome Stop You?
The world is filled with people who never sing the songs in
their heart, never write the books they want to, or speak out about the issues
they truly care about. When the moment comes to step up, they look around and
ask, “Who? Me? I’m not qualified enough.”
Then they convince themselves that they’ll be worthy or
ready after more. More achievements. More schooling. More accomplishments.
More, more, more.
But the world needs you now. It needs your
voice. It needs the songs you want to sing or the books you want to write or
the paintings you want to create. It needs you to rise up. Because you are here
for a purpose. You were made to dream and dance and laugh and lead. The story
of your life matters.
It’s time to overcome imposter syndrome once and for all.
It’s time to stop letting this self-doubt hold you back and step into the
beautiful, brave woman you’re meant to be.
