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Wednesday, January 8, 2020

What If You Were Confident?

As the poor girl from the wrong side of town, with parents who didn't quite fit the acceptable "norm", I was bullied...a lot. If not bullied, then ignored. It also didn't help that I was a nerd before nerds were cool. So needless to say, my self-confidence was not great.

Even after leaving home and excelling in my Navy career, I still suffered from a lack of confidence. And it impacted my day-to-day life. I missed out on lots of things because I was afraid to try. I didn't want to look silly in front of others if I failed.

I would often remark about the things I would do if I were more confident. I would say, “If I were more confident, I’d take up salsa dancing. If I felt good about myself, I’d wear shorts during the summer. If I were more athletic, I’d learn to water ski.”

One day as I was thinking about all of the things I wasn’t, it hit me. “What if you were?” I thought. “What if you are confident? What if you do feel good about yourself? What if you are already smart?”

“Maybe, what’s holding you back isn’t what you are, only what you think you aren’t.”

Why Is It Hard to Change?

Often we let a lack of self-confidence hold us back from pursuing our goals, building authentic relationships, and loving ourselves unconditionally. But what if you flipped the script? What if you stopped waiting for confidence and instead embraced it as yours?

It’s easy to create self-limiting beliefs. Most people do it every day without realizing it. These are the stories you tell yourself about why you’re settling for less than what you want. Some of the stories might sound good or even noble. But it doesn’t change the fact they’re not true.


What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

The key to becoming more confident is to ask yourself what story you’re telling. Is it really true you can’t be a sexy woman if you have three kids and a mortgage? Is it true to say it’s too late to get your GED and go to college?

If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that these stories aren’t the problem. They’re masking a deeper issue like fear, loneliness, or rejection. Confronting the heart of the matter will make it easier for you to walk in newfound confidence.

What If You Just Went for It?

Sometimes, the best way to overcome fear and increase your confidence is to do something bold. Do it before you feel confident. Do it before you feel spontaneous. Do it before you feel like you’re ready.

When you challenge yourself to do things before you feel prepared, you experience new adventures. You grow in exciting ways. You discover parts of your personality that you didn’t know you had.

Why Not Make a List?

Create a list of things you always tell yourself you’ll do when you’re “ready”. For example, you keep saying you’ll go on a cruise as soon as you lose the last twenty pounds. Except you’ve been “losing” those pounds for three years now.

Each New Year’s, you promise yourself you’ll go back to school so you can get out of the job you hate and start doing work that matters to you. But you haven’t made the time to fill out the local college’s placement test.

Take Action

Once you have your list, don’t file it away! Pick one thing on it and take action right now. Call a travel agent and get information on upcoming cruises. Talk to your college about scheduling an appointment for the placement testing.

Stop waiting for confidence and embrace the now. Be your beautiful, bold, confident self!


P.S.  Want to know where I learned the skills that helped me become confident in my business?  Check this out.

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