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Showing posts with label self esteem;. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self esteem;. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Why Do You Struggle with Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem can occur at any time or age even if you’ve had a relatively good life. However, there are some circumstances that make you more likely to develop low self-esteem.  Here are a few of the most common causes…

Comparison

Some people develop low self-esteem because they’re constantly comparing themselves to others.  Maybe you look at the woman who has your dream business and think you’ll never be like her.  Perhaps you envy a friend who seems to have a wonderful marriage and beautiful children.

You may even compare yourself to people you don’t know.  For example, envying a supermodel in a magazine. Even though you know she’s been airbrushed to perfection, you might still feel inferior.

Dysfunctional Home

Sometimes, low self-esteem begins in childhood due to difficulties in your home life. Perhaps a parent was chronically ill and unable to provide for you and your siblings.  Maybe you witnessed domestic violence between your parents.

When children don’t get their needs met in childhood, they turn inwards.  Many blame themselves even if they don’t realize it.  For example, if your parents divorced after you accidentally slipped up about dad’s affair, then you might think you were the reason your parents separated.

Trauma & Abuse

Another common reason for low self-esteem is becoming a victim of trauma.  You may have survived physical, emotional, or sexual violence. Often, becoming a victim of a violent crime leads a person to believe they are worthless, deserving of punishment, or unlovable.  These false beliefs create low self-esteem that can follow you for decades.

Like trauma victims, abuse survivors may struggle with low self-esteem.  Abuse can be more difficult to heal from since the wounds were often on-going over the course of months or even years.  Additionally, abusers often tell their victims that the abuse is their fault, that they deserve to be hurt, or that they need to be punished.

Religious Beliefs

Depending on your religious beliefs, you may have been told that you are “bad” or that you are “going to hell” if you do certain activities.  Many religions draw a line in the sand and if you cross that line, you are then cut off from other members of your family or community.

This type of belief system can lead you to believe that your behavior determines your identity.  That’s fine if your behavior falls into what’s expected and acceptable within your religion.  But if it doesn’t—if you violate these beliefs—you may see yourself as damaged, tainted, or unredeemable.
 
Now that you know the different causes of low self-esteem, you may recognize yourself in some of these examples. But the good news is that understanding where your low self-esteem is coming from is an important first step in healing it.

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Self Esteem and Your Goals

Mindset. I talk about it - a lot. I write about it - even more! Why? Because a great overall mindset is essential to achieving your goals.

How you think and feel about yourself and your business is extremely important. It impacts everything you do. Even setting your goals. Here's an example:

"I'd like to earn $500 extra a month, so I can have a little money left over after I pay my bills."

What kind of goal is that?! It's weak. It's definitely not SMART. There is no motivation to really go for it.

Actually, this goal was one of MY first goals - before I understood the power of mindset and worked to change mine.


And see how my goal has changed!  This was the first goal I wrote with my mindset coach shortly after beginning to work with him:

"By the end of the year, I will develop a strategy to earn an extra $3000 per month."

Do you see the difference?  Instead of "I'd like to...maybe...if I could", now "I will"!  Instead of $500 I was going to earn $3000.  I wasn't in this business  so I could have a few dollars left over at the end of the month.  I wanted to earn a living.  And I set a deadline.  You can't have a goal without a deadline.  Otherwise you can just keep plodding along forever, hoping that SOMEDAY you will reach it.

Of course, it's not enough just to set a good goal.  You also have to work to achieve it.  Self-esteem factors in there too. 

Poor mindset and low self-esteem can cause you to self-sabotage your business, even if you aren't consciously aware that you are doing it. If you went out partying last night when you knew you had a presentation to do this morning, you might know what I'm talking about! The proper mindset and high-self esteem may have kept you from making that decision. So instead of being groggy and possibly hung-over today, you would be bright, alert, and ready to grow your business. If that doesn't sound like you, then it is time to work on your self-esteem.

Building self esteem is possible.  I should know.  I've done it.  You can too.  Let's get started.

Take five minutes a day and ask yourself what you appreciate about what you bring to the world. This will give you a burst of happiness, which is like laying the first brick of a new solid foundation. From there, move on to banishing that inner critic. When self help coaches work with people, they will often ask, “does your inner critic have a name and people tend to respond in the affirmative. It is usually the name of someone in their past, who always spoke down to them. Now they have taken that negative talk from that person and transferred it internally. When your inner critic says, “oh you can’t do that Jane,” tell it to hush and go away because you aren’t going to listen anymore. Keep working on dulling that inner critic's voice until it can no longer be heard.

In the case of not having a name for your inner critic, then just internally shout, “STOP,” whenever you catch yourself speaking negatively about you or what you are doing.

Keeping a journal is great and so is a little bedside diary. Keep that diary and pencil right beside the alarm clock and just before you go to sleep, jot down three things that you found to appreciate about yourself that day. As your diary grows, then go back and reread the comments you put in and see if they truly are positive. If you find any that may now give you a bit of a negative feeling, cross it out and rewrite it in a positive frame.

Finally consider doing positive things for you and others.

1. Treat yourself to an extra long hot bath.

2. Walk the dog for your elderly neighbour.

3. Go out of your way to find a kind thing you can do for a stranger. Open doors, or assist with putting groceries in someone’s car for them.

4. Ask before being asked if you can do something for your child’s school, like reading to kids or lending your expertise for a day to the school.

5. Go out of your way to find someone during your daily interactions that you feel needs a kind word. There is always someone who is having a tough day because of a home or work situation. You don’t have to get involved necessarily but compliment them somehow.


6. Treat yourself to something special whenever you do something outside your comfort zone.  I had a problem doing videos for a long time.  In fact, they still aren't my favorite thing to do.  But I know they are important for my business and so I do them.  And after I'm finished recording one, I treat myself to a glass of wine and time with my husband (if it's evening) or a cup of a special tea I like and some time to read (during the day).

Making yourself feel good and making others feel better about themselves is a wonderful way to build that self esteem.

And for more tips on healthy-self esteem, read my earlier post:
Healthy Self-Esteem = Healthy Business!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Healthy Self Esteem = Healthy Business

When you look at lists of requirements for a successful business, chances are you won't see "good self image" as one of the items on the list. However, self esteem can have a distinct impact on the success - or failure - of your business. Entrepreneurs with good self esteem are confident of their ability to achieve their business goals. If there are stumbling blocks along the way, the person with high self esteem does not take them personally but works to find a solution to the problem. However, those with low self esteem often go into a business already expecting it to be difficult and unsure if they will succeed. When problems arise, instead of focusing on the issue, they tend to focus on their own perceived shortcomings. They get exactly what they expected - failure.

Most of us do not work on improving our self esteem. We tend to think it's either something people have or do not have. Perhaps it was a result of our childhood. Whatever the cause, most people don't realize that good self esteem is something that can be developed with practice. Here's how.

1. I highly encourage you to take a lesson from the Girl Scouts. Tonight sit down and make a brag bag! Or a box like I have done. Get a brown paper bag or an old shoe box. I went to Hobby Lobby and got a plain wooden unpainted little box that looks like a treasure chest. Decorate the outside anyway you want. I found some very unique metal discs with great uplifting sayings on them - "Believe", "Love", and "Laughter" for example. I glued them all over my box.

Now, get some index cards and write all of your attributes on them - one on each card. Can you sing? Write it down. Are you an organizational whiz? Do people clamor for your cheesecake recipe? Can you sell the proverbial ice to Eskimos? Write it all down. Put them in your Brag Bag. Then write down all of your accomplishments. If you were the homecoming queen, or the valedictorian of your class, it goes in the bag. If you were promoted at your job in record time, if your kids are the world's greatest, if you lost those last 10 pounds, if your business makes enough to support you, if you have 20 people in your downline - it all goes into the bag.

Now, put your Brag Bag somewhere accessible. Because in order for this to work, you have to use it. Remember - what we focus on grows. So get your bag out regularly and review all the good things that you are. Bask in the glow of your accomplishments. Relish the good things you've drawn into your life. Watch your attitude improve and your accomplishments increase and your business boom. What we focus on grows. Get out your Brag Bag and let's focus on the right things. And while you're at it - maybe sign your daughter up for Girl Scouts. Look at the cool stuff they teach you!

2. I realize that we all have some things that we need to work on. So do it! Choose an area that you want to improve, and get to work. The trick here though is to work at it properly. You have to have the right attitude. I have struggled with my weight for years. But once I stopped hating myself for my perceived weakness because I couldn't lose weight, I discovered it became easier to take the pounds off. When you begin your self-improvement program, look at it exactly that way. You are simply taking what is already good and improving it.

3. Picture the new you. While you are working on your self-improvement projects, envision yourself as you will be once you are finished. While I am working to improve my health and fitness by losing weight, I picture myself running with my grandchildren or hiking with my sister. Or I see myself on vacation with my husband wearing a fabulous new outfit and dancing the night away. If you afraid to talk to people, while you work on overcoming this, picture yourself making presentations with ease and confidence. Visualize yourself being sought after as a speaker. See yourself having conversations with clients that have winning results.

Imagine your whirlwind social life as you get invited to all the best events because everyone admires your witty conversation!

4. Keep a success journal. Every time you reach a goal - no matter how small - write it in your journal. Or jot it on a card and add it to your brag bag!

5. Set goals. Having a goal will give you a sense of purpose. It provides you with a target. How can you know if you have achieved success if you don't know what that is?

6. Surround yourself with positive people. There are more than enough people willing to point out your every flaw. Who needs them!? Yes, we all have faults, and a true friend will help you face up to them. But they will also be the first to applaud your successes and provide encouragement when you embark on a new path. Surround yourself with people who see failure as simply a step on the way to success, who expect success from themselves and others.

7. Create a positive environment. No negativity allowed! Hang positive affirmations in your office. I have one that simply says "Attitude" as a reminder that attitude is everything. Listen to CDs with empowering messages. I have banned all music in my car and my home that is not uplifting and empowering. If I can't find anything suitable on my radio, then I have an assortment of CDs by people such as Mike Litman, Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins, and Joel Osteen. Make flashcards with positive affirmations on them and keep them on your desk. My latest are "I am exactly the right weight for my body" and "I am healthy and vigorous and living life to the fullest." When you begin to feel the old doubts creep in, grab a flashcard and remind yourself that "Every day and every way, I get a little better."

Healthy self esteem is good for your business. Follow the steps above and watch your self esteem - and your business grow.