Tools for Overcoming Fear and Becoming Fierce

Fear often shows up when you decide to be fierce. It’s that nagging voice in the back of your mind that makes you doubt yourself, worry you’ve made the wrong choice, and wonder if you shouldn’t turn back. This fear is holding you back from living your best life. Fortunately, you don’t have to live with it. There are tools that can help you overcome it. Here are just a few…

Build a Strong Support Network

Surround yourself with other fierce women. That’s what I did when I retired from the military. I became friends with many of the women involved in local issues and politics. Talk about some FIERCE women! Every week, I would have lunch or coffee with the women I now call my “dream team”.  And even though it's been 20+ years...and even though COVID-19 has put a TEMPORARY halt to the lunches and coffees...I still connect with many of them regularly. We support each other through the ups and downs of marriages, children, careers, health concerns, and more.

The more you're surrounded by brave action, the more likely you will be able to step past the fear. Knowing that you have a network of women who will always have your back can motivate you to try new and exciting things.

Get to the Root

What’s really making you feel funky? Are you worried about starting your own business? Or are you simply worried that your spouse won’t be supportive? Are you fretting over publishing your memoir? Or are you nervous over what your mom will think about it?

Sometimes we fear other people’s reactions more than we actually fear doing something. The activity is easy. Dealing with the fallout can feel much harder.

Ask: “So What?”

When Jenny wanted to start a business flipping houses, her stepfather fretted that she would lose everything she owned and end up homeless. He kept bringing up the issue and eventually, Jenny got into tizzy.

A kind friend asked, “So what?” She pointed out to Jenny that she’d already been homeless once before and survived. “Even if you fail,” Her friend said, “It’s not the end of the world. It’s just one more step in your journey.”

When you’re worried about what could go wrong on your next adventure, take a moment to think through the consequences. Are they really that bad? Or do they merely seem that way at first glance?

Embrace Prayer

I find that leaning into prayer can help me deal with my fears. Turns out I'm not alone. Research has shown that many people turn to prayer when confronted with a fearful situation. You can do this by repeating a beloved Bible verse, asking God for peace, or listening to worship music.

One reason that prayer can be effective is because it reminds us that we’re not in control. When you view yourself as part of a bigger picture, then things like failing an assignment or getting rejected on a dating app don’t overwhelm you in the same way.

Try Meditation

Betty is a public speaker. When she worries about sharing her message in front of a new crowd, she meditates. She imagines the event and focuses on all the ways it can go right. This positivity helps her disconnect from her fear.

There are plenty of guided meditations on YouTube. Some meditations encourage listeners to think of walking through a forest, a winter snowstorm, or relaxing on the beach. These recordings can be relaxing and help you release any anxiety or fear you’re carrying.

Overcoming fear isn’t a one-time task. Fear will always rise to bring challenge in you, no matter what you’re doing. The goal isn’t to get rid of fear. It’s to embrace fear, thank it for what it’s teaching you, and live your life.

Do It Afraid

Stop letting fear hold you back!

When you’re focused on becoming fierce, it won’t be long until you bump up against some fears. Maybe you worry about what other people will think. Perhaps you doubt you can accomplish your goals. Maybe you’re trying something no one else has done before. Whatever your reasons, fear is a natural part of the process. It’s your inner voice trying to keep you safe.

The problem is that you can’t grow if you’re always living in your safety zone. If you truly want to grow and become fierce, you have to leave the comfort of the known. Here are a few tips to make that journey easier…

Take a Tiny Step

I almost drowned as a child and I used to be afraid to go near bodies of water after that. So when I had to learn to swim in college, I was panic-stricken. But swimming was part of the PE class that was required and so I had no choice.

I took a tiny step by going to my local store and purchasing a swim suit. A few days later, I went to observe my friend during her swimming class and observed a kind nun teaching her students how to float. (All-girl Catholic college, y'all).

The next time I went to the pool, I went into the water ankle high. I kept focusing on the tiny steps one at a time so my big goal didn’t feel quite so overwhelming or impossible. With the support of Sister Cornelius, I was able to swim 6 different strokes by the end of the semester! (Too bad I couldn't use them when my kayak flipped! But those lessons did keep me from panicking!)

Ask for Accountability

Sometimes, overcoming a fear is easier if you know other people are watching you. For example, when I wanted to finish my first book. I'd been talking about it for years but had never actually completed it. So I announced publicly that I would be writing my book that year.

I joined an online writing group and posted daily about my progress. Knowing that my fellow writers were following my journey gave me the courage to keep going. Even on the days when I didn’t feel like writing, I still showed up because I didn’t want to let myself down. And I didn't want the other group members to see me quit.

Create a Point of No Return

Barb had struggled with video marketing for years. She wanted to do it but she was terrified of messing up in front of the camera. So she would record a few takes, get discouraged that her videos weren’t perfect then give up.

But Barb’s husband encouraged her to create a point of no return so that she had to post daily videos that were livestreaming. Barb liked the idea because it would force her to let go of her perfectionist tendency. So she announced that she was doing daily Facebook Live videos on her fan page.

At first, no one paid attention to Barb and that made it easier for her to keep going. As time went on, her reach grew and she started to build a supportive community around her videos.

Bring a Friend

You can go a step further than I did and bring a friend along with you on your next adventure. My friend Chris loves to try new things. But she is older and a bit shy and so she worries she’ll feel out of place. So she invites me to go with her so she doesn’t have to face a bunch of strangers on her own.

I have discovered many new things and have had some interesting experiences while tagging along with Chris. And Chris has discovered some exiting new hobbies that she loves and has made a whole new circle of friends. It all started because we were willing to be fierce together.

If you’re struggling to become fierce, don’t keep it inside. Find an accountability partner or a supportive friend and do it afraid. Then watch as your life is transformed by new fierce choices

How To Be Fierce...Right Now!

Some of you may know that my first marriage was not good. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. When we finally divorced, I had to start the process of rebuilding my entire life. Most days, I felt fragile as glass and feared I’d been permanently broken.

Fortunately, I had two things going for me. I was still on active duty where I didn't have the option of not getting up and moving every day. And I had supportive friends who encouraged me to see myself differently. I am not damaged or broken. I am fierce and fearless. It takes a warrior to live through what I did and survive. I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for.

It doesn’t matter whether it was a bad day, a horrific marriage, or the loss of a loved one, we all survive circumstances that leave us feeling anything but strong. It’s easy to feel weak, like you have to hide who you are.

But with time and patience, you can reclaim your fierceness and own every part of your story….

Lean into Your Values

The first step to becoming fierce is to define your values. Whether you realize it or not, your values drive every decision you make.

If you look back at the moments in your life that you most regret, chances are you’ll see that you stepped on your values in some way. Maybe you said “yes” to a relationship, job, or commitment that wasn’t a good fit.

But defining your values can feel tricky. There are hundreds of different values and you want the ones you choose to be true to you. That’s where a course like My Values Workshop can be helpful.

Focus on What You Want

What you focus on often expands. This is great when you’re focused on values that matter to you and inspire you to be your best self.

But it’s easy to get into the habit of focusing on the negative. The more you say things like, “I don’t have enough time” or “I can never afford anything nice” or “I’m not fierce”, the more these things become your truth. You live them out even if you don’t want to.

Have an Opinion

When someone else asks you where you want to go to eat or what to do with an empty Friday night, you don’t pipe up. You say something like, “I don’t care. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.”

Maybe you think this makes you easygoing or laid back. But often, the root behind a lack of opinion has more to do with not valuing yourself. You matter, too. Your thoughts and feelings matter and your opinions count.

Own Who You Are

Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. If you’re an artist that sees the possibility in everything, honor that. If you’re the writer who spins stories to entertain yourself or others, honor that. If you’re the photographer that feels compelled to capture all of the special moments of your day, honor that.

Don’t shrink back, afraid to shine for fear someone else will be dimmed by your shadow. There’s more than enough light to go around!

Remember becoming fierce is about being willing to throw yourself into whatever you care about with intensity and passion. It’s about being your authentic self and owning your awesomeness.

Three Fierce and Fearless Women

There’s no shortage of fierce and fearless women in the world today. But sometimes, it can feel like you’re alone in your desire to be a strong woman. Here are three real life role models to inspire you on your journey and remind you that you’re not alone…

Whitney Way Thore

Whitney became a sensation when her YouTube videos, A Fat Girl Dancing, went viral. The resulting media attention sparked Whitney to begin a movement called No Body Shame and even landed her a TV show titled My Big Fat Fabulous Life.

In a world where plus-sized women are often body shamed, Whitney is a fierce and fearless example of self-love and body positivity. Though she’s dealt with a fair amount of trolls, Whitney continues to bravely share her journey with the world, encouraging others to own who they are and become comfortable in their skin.

She also wrote a book about her experiences titled I Do It with the Lights On. In the book, she shares 10 life-lessons that enable her to live a shame-free life.

Malala Yousafzai

Malala was a young girl living in Pakistan. Her father was a teacher in charge of the village’s school. But everything changed in 2008 when the Taliban came into power. Along with other strict rules, girls were no longer allowed to attend school.

Although she was young, Malala felt the need to stand up for herself and other girls that were being deprived of an education. But her outspokenness came at a cost—she was shot in the head leaving school one day.

Miraculously, Malala recovered from her injuries and she refused to let the violence stop her. She went on to begin the Malala Fund with her father. The organization fights for the rights of girls everywhere to get an education.

To learn more about Malala and her story, you can read her riveting book, I Am Malala.

Michelle Obama

As a former First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama is so much more than a political figure. She is known around the world as a woman who champions women’s rights and stands up for the oppressed.

But she’s also humble and in touch with those she served. During her time in the White House, she often referred to herself as “Mom-in-Chief”.

Her notable accomplishments during her husband’s presidential career included launching the “Let’s Move!” campaign to solve the childhood obesity epidemic. Besides overhauling school lunches with healthy alternatives, the program also gives free or deeply discounted meals to school children living in poverty.

Michelle was influential in starting the “Joining Forces” initiative to support U.S. troops and their families. This initiative sought to provide education for loved ones of soldiers as well as new employment opportunities for veterans.

In 2018, she published her memoir, Becoming, which went on to become a best-seller. In the book, Michelle chronicles the journey of her life, from her childhood and her career as a lawyer before diving into her time in the White House.

You don’t have to be politician or a viral sensation to become a fierce and fearless woman. There are many paths to being fearless and fierce and it doesn’t matter which one you take. What’s important is that you enjoy the journey and learn about yourself as you go.

Is Your Facebook Profile Open For Business?

Are you using Facebook for business? If you're an entrepreneur, you probably are. I mean you COULD just be using it to watch cat videos. But I'm guessing since you're a reader of my blog, you are a fellow business person. And I'm also guessing you would like to get more business from Facebook.

But wait? Doesn't Facebook dislike you doing business on your profile? Could they close your account for doing so? Yes...and yes! If you do it incorrectly! But did there are actually ways to market your business ON YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE that are perfectly acceptable. 

The truth is your Facebook profile carries a treasure trove of real-estate primed for your marketing efforts. But most people don't realize it because Facebook doesn't share that fact. But just knowing these 5 tips could change your profile from dull into a profit-generating machine!

Okay...I know what you are thinking. This sounds like a sales pitch. What are you offering and how much does it cost.

I'm not going to lie. It IS a pitch...of sorts. But I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm not going to ask you to give me your email address so I can add you to my mailing list and then bombard you with unending emails. 

I do have an offer. And it is totally, 100%, no hidden conditions or fine print....FREE!

That's right. Totally FREE!

I am offering to take 30 minutes of my time to sit down with you and do an audit of your Facebook profile to show you where you can make a few simple changes to better optimize it for business. And all I want from you is your promise that you will try at least a few of the things I suggest. And if they make a difference, let me know.

You see, when I started in business, I was fortunate to find mentors along the way who were willing to share with me all that they had learned. And the only cost was the promise that one day, when I was in a position to do so, I would pay it forward. And so, I honor that promise as I have done for the many years I have successfully been in business...by sharing what they have taught me and what I have learned on my own.

If you want to get an audit of your FB profile, here's how. Send me a message on FB and just ask for it. You can find me here. 

What Does It Look Like to Be Fierce and Fearless?

My friend Paula was a lawyer living in Philadelphia. Through a mentoring program, she met Sasha, a teenage girl who was growing up in the foster care system. She was routinely moved and often only spent a week or two with each new family.

After Sasha was kicked out and left on the streets, Paula took her in. Many of Paula’s friends and family didn’t support her decision. They pointed out that teenagers with traumatic backgrounds can be difficult or unruly. One of Paula’s friends turned it into a race issue, claiming Paula shouldn’t be willing to open her home to a young woman of a different race. Can you imagine?!

But through it all, Paula leaned into her own instincts. She navigated the legal system until she was given full custody. The years that followed were difficult at times but Paula’s never once regretted her decision.

Going for What You Want

Anna had dreamed about writing a book for years. But even though she knew I had finally published mine, she hesitated. She’d been diagnosed with a learning disorder in school and her teachers had made fun of her. Her self-esteem was low and she never pursued her dream.

Then a supportive friend told Anna about Frank McCourt. He was an author who wrote his memoir titled Angela’s Ashes, a book which went on to win many prestigious awards including the Pulitzer Prize. But what most people don’t know is Frank didn’t complete the book until he was sixty-six years old.

Anna listened to her friend and began writing her book. It was slow going and her husband often mocked her for spending her time working on what he called a “pipe dream”. But after several rounds of revisions, Anna’s book went on to sell to a major New York publishing house.

Creating More Joy in the World

Maddie was a home organizer. She loved getting to help her clients organize their lives so everything flowed effortlessly. She built a big stable of clients and she always had more thanks to the positive things her former clients said about her.

Eventually, Maddie was approached by a TV producer. He liked what Maddie was doing and her way of breaking through to clients. He wanted to gather some footage of Maddie going about her normal job and show it to a network company.

At first, Maddie said no. She worried that taking on this new project would take away from her existing clients. But Maddie’s mom encouraged her to look at the happiness she gave to her clients. “Now imagine being able to reach hundreds or thousands of people and share that joy with them.”

Maddie took her mom’s advice and agreed to the producer’s request. A few weeks after the initial footage was done, Maddie received a phone call. One of the TV network executives loved her work and wanted to talk with her.

To be fierce and fearless you don’t have to become a foster mom, write a book or launch your own TV show. These are just a few examples of what it could look like.

You might prefer to be fierce and fearless in a different way. Maybe you’ll travel the world, complete the Ironman Triathlon, learn a new language, or climb a mountain. Whatever you decide to do, choose an activity that sparks joy for you!

Hurry! $1 Challenge Starts Soon

Have you grabbed your spot in the "Go For Yes" 5-Day Facebook Challenge yet? If not, now is the time because Day #1 starts May 30th.

My friend Stacy is going to reveal the 4-step plan to authentically sell more product in a way that makes you (and your customers) feel amazing.

And here's what she'll cover over the remaining 5 days...

• Day 2 - Identify your audience's pain points so you can speak to their soul and influence them to take action.
• Day 3 - The source for never-ending content ideas and daily strategy for what to post and when to for max results.
• Day 4 - Choosing where to establish your social media presence to tap into hungry buyers for YOUR business.
• Day 5 - The secret sauce to track prospect growth and turn new social media friends into business partners.

This would cost you hundreds of dollars anywhere else. But right now you can get in for just a measly $1! But you gotta hurry to make sure you get a spot.

By the way, the amount of gold being given away inside the VIP group where the challenge is taking place will floor you! (As will the top-earners hanging out in there!) Oh yeah, and did I mention the $7,365 in tools and training you'll get as a bonus just for joining?

Join here now!