What My Parents Taught Me About Money

"Money doesn't grow on trees." 
"A penny saved is a penny earned."
"Go to school, get a good job.  That's how you make a good living."

                             --Lessons from my dad

"It's impossible to keep to a budget when you don't make enough money."
"People like us just aren't meant to be millionaires."
                             --Lessons from my mom


If there is one thing I learned from my parents, it was how to be poor.  We were.  Poor.  Like potato soup for dinner poor.  Having to choose between heat and food poor.  And it wasn't because they didn't work.  Granted my dad had a problem with his vision that prevented him from ever driving or being able to do many jobs.  But he did work.  And if overtime was offered, he was there.  I remember many days of him walking miles to work, putting in a double shift, and then walking home.


And my mom worked.  Not as hard as my dad, but she still made okay money. 


The reason we were poor was simple.  Neither one of them knew what to do with money. 


My dad was a bit better at managing than my mom.  But because of his disabilities, he had been told for so long that he was slow, he believed it and so gave his paycheck to my mom every week.  And as long as she gave him some to spend on a few beers after work or a cup of coffee in the cafeteria, he never questioned what she did with it.


My mom couldn't manage money at all.  Not because she was incapable.  She was very intelligent.  I have no idea why she did the things she did. 


I think the best example was when she received a sum of money for a legal settlement.  The house needed repairs.  Bills needed to be paid.  The car needed work.  So what did she do with it?  Bought my daughter a registered English Setter.  Bought another dog for my sister.  Bought "antiques" for herself.  And took everyone - the entire extended family - out to dinner.


These are the role models I had when it came to handling money.  Work hard.  Spend what you make on whatever makes you happy.  Don't ask questions. 


Fast forward to the start of my entrepreneurial journey. 


I had to spend some money to get started.  That's to be expected.  But I had all these conflicting messages that had been drilled into me since birth.


"I need to spend money to make money.  But money doesn't grow on trees.  If this doesn't work, I will have lost that money.  A penny saved is a penny earned.  Besides, people like me aren't meant to be rich.  So what am I doing?  What if it doesn't work?  I'd better not buy the (training, coaching, tool, equipment...whatever) I need.  But now I feel depressed and a failure.  I think I'll go buy something for my kids or my husband to make me feel better.  Crap!  I spent the money anyway only now I don't have anything constructive to show for it.  I guess I better buy the (training, coaching, tool, equipment, whatever) I need after all.  I need to make up for what I just foolishly spent.  I know the bills are due.  But I can catch up on them next month with all the money I'm going to make.  But wait...what if I don't make any?  People like me aren't made to be rich.  Maybe I'd better just forget it.  But I already bought the thing.  And while I was struggling to decide whether it was worthwhile to try to succeed, a month has gone by and I haven't made any money, and mom was right, and the bill collectors are calling, and maybe if I just get that book or that course it will make a difference but what if it doesn't.  I know, a new pair of shoes will cheer me up and now I have even less money...."


And on and on and on in a never ending cycle.


Sound familiar?  I'm willing to bet there are more of you that can relate to this than would care to admit it.  Many of us grew up being "programmed" with "unprosperous" messages.  Money is hard to get.  Successful people are just lucky.  Or smarter.  Or better.  Life isn't fair.  And many of us still subconsciously carry those messages with us today.


These messages can hamper our success.  We may want to start a business.  "Go to school, get a job", says the voice in our head.  We may want to invest in our own development.  Whether it's something as big as private coaching or as small as a book on something we want to know, the message in our head is the same.  "Money doesn't grow on trees.  A penny saved is a penny earned."  And besides..."PEOPLE LIKE US WEREN'T MEANT TO BE RICH!"


I've had to work hard at overcoming all of the negative programming I received about money.  It's hard.  I still catch these thoughts flashing through my mind from time to time.  They are immediately banished when I become aware.  But how much did they impact my decisions before I realized it?


So what do we do to combat our negative programming?  Here's some tips:


1.  Be aware.  That's the first step.  Acknowledge that you do it and make a note, mental or otherwise, every time you catch yourself.


2.  Identify where the thoughts are coming from.  For example, the "people like us weren't meant to be rich" comes straight from my mother and has no basis in fact.  There are people in my family that have done quite well.  Why can't I?


3.  Turn it around.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, replace it with the opposite.  "Money doesn't grow on trees" becomes "I am prosperous and have more than enough to meet my needs."  "People like us weren't meant to be rich" becomes "I am a 6-figure earner."  When I catch myself about to make a poor spending decision (like another pair of shoes or a dog!), I remind myself that I am not my mother and I now make smart money decisions.


The lessons our parents taught us don't have to become part of who we are.  Keep the good stuff they passed on.  Replace the negative.  Positive self talk and affirmations can help you reframe your thinking. 


Ready?  Repeat after me.


"I am prosperous and have more than enough to meet my needs.
"I am a 6-figure earner."
"I will make more money this month than last."
"I effortlessly attract abundance."
"I am finding new income streams."
"I use money to create a better life."
"I release my money worries."
"I am financially empowered."
"I enjoy making money."
"I will have zero debt."
"I look at my finances without fear."
"I make money while I sleep."
"I am going to make a crap-ton of money today!"
"I am smart when it comes to making important financial decisions."
"I have money making ideas all the time."
"I have wealth in all areas of my life."
"I am worth the money I charge."
"I have multiple streams of passive income."
"I am a rich, powerful woman" (Or man)

A Letter of Appreciation

So many people have helped me get where I am today.  Etiquette says I should write each of them a letter expressing my thanks.  And I would gladly do that.  But then, no one else would know about these wonderful people.  So I have decided to show my appreciation a bit more publicly!

First, many thanks to Ken McArthur.  You took a chance on an inexperienced event planner while you were launching jvAlert.  Through the course of our relationship, I learned a great deal about marketing and building a business and you built jvAlert into a phenomenon.  Along the way, I think we became friends.  And when it was finally time for me to step out on my own, you were one of the first to encourage me to follow my heart - and to give me some much needed guidance.  And you finally convinced me to attend a jvAlert event, which is where I met so many of the others who have helped me. Such as...

Ronda Del Boccio.  Together we sat and talked and laughed - and came up with the idea that became "The Adventures of Traveling Bob" which has since grown and will soon launch the new site It Should Be a Dog's World.  Nose kisses to you from Bob and many hugs from me. 

Carrie Wilkerson and Bob Jenkins - you both were already so successful and yet you took the time to sit and talk to a complete stranger and total beginner.  Together, you taught me how to get started and never once did either of you make me feel out of place - not even when I bugged you both for photos so I could have proof that I had actually met you.  It was you, Carrie, that gave me the idea for BoomerBizCoach and it was you, Bob, that told me about blogging - which was my first step online.

Bev Mahone - you decided I was a Diva and invited me to join you and an entire group of Divas.  Along with forming many friendships with the ladies in your network, I learned so much about PR and marketing and interviewing.  I've gotten pretty good at this whole self-promotion thing thanks to you!

Felicia Slattery - although we had never met, except online, you quickly extended a hand and made me feel at home in a roomful of people that were successful beyond anything I had ever imagined.  I could have felt lost and out of place and therefore would have missed out on a wonderful experience.  You quickly put me at ease and introduced me to everyone, never once indicating I was not quite in the same league as most of you.  I was just your "Ryze buddy."  And you did push me to finally get on Facebook - although I'm still not using it effectively.  But I will!  Promise!

PopArtDiva - yes I know your name but you will always be PopArt to me!  You do such a fabulous job on all of my graphics - and you don't go crazy when I change my mind about something or get sidetracked and forget to forward photos or ideas to you.  You held my hand when Bob was sick and you actually understood and prayed with me for his recovery.  Thanks for understanding that he is a dog but he's also my four-footed baby!  You have provided a shoulder to cry on through family crises and a cheering section for my successes.  You have been a sounding board for ideas, encouraging me when they were good but not afraid to tell me when they were awful!  You've taught me more than I could ever hope to need about design.  Along the way you have become my very dear friend.  And you taught me to make a darn good martini!

Thanks so much to all of you for all you have done for me.  It is deeply appreciated!

Smile!

I attended the local Friday networking coffee this week. What I saw there prompted this post.

There were two different people there. They represented the same company. They were both well dressed and successful looking. They were neat and well-groomed. Both had information about their business and services and spoke well about what they could offer. And so I expected any leads that came from this meeting would be shared between the two of them, all things being equal. Not so. As I was leaving, I noticed several people clustered around one of the people. The other one was off to the side of the room - alone.

While I was driving home I thought about this. What made the one person more attractive and approachable than the other? Granted one was male and one was female. But that should not have made a difference. In fact if it did, it should have caused the opposite reaction. Because the male who was standing alone was HOT! And the woman who had drawn the crowd was just an ordinary middle-aged woman. And yet even I had to admit that if I was in the market for their services I would probably have approached the woman. I thought about it some more. Why? What was different about her? Then it hit me.

When the gentleman stood up to talk about his business, he presented all of the facts about his company and how he could be of service to us. He listed all the benefits of doing business with him and why we should contact him immediately. He was very serious and straightforward, passing out business cards and pamphlets about his company, dressed in his suit and tie and looking very polished and professional.

A little bit later it was the woman's turn. She stood up also. She was dressed in a simple suit and like her predecessor, had all of the facts and figures about her business to share with us. She also handed out business cards and pamphlets and acknowledged her fellow business person had already said just about everything there was to say about the company. And then she smiled. And it lit up her whole face. It was one of the most warm and welcoming smiles I've seen. It just drew you in. It made you feel like she really cared about your needs and wanted to get to know you better. And that, I think, was the difference. The gentleman had all the knowledge and ability that the woman had. But he never smiled. I never felt like he really connected with me and I'm guessing that none of the other networkers did either.

When I got home, I did some research on how smiling affects your business interactions and everything I found just validated what I was thinking.

The articles said that smiling raises your confidence. When you are looking for someone to do business with, don't you want someone who is confident in their abilities? Sure you do. A smile conveys that self-confidence without being arrogant. Another article said that smiling instantly makes you more attractive. Who doesn't want to be more attractive? Admit it, when someone is smiling, aren't you drawn in? Don't you enjoy that person's company more? Of course you do! We all do.

So my business advice for this week is very simple. SMILE! Go ahead. SMILE! I've read that you can't fake a smile so if you just do it, even when you don't feel like it, it's bound to change your attitude. And we just read that it will make you more confident and attractive. So do it again. SMILE! Doesn't that feel good? Now that you know how good smiling is for you and your business, I want you to practice smiling every day. In fact, one of the articles I read said that if you practice smiling and thinking positive thoughts or repeating affirmations at least six times a day, it will have a huge positive impact on your life. What are you waiting for? SMILE!