Border bullies can make your life frustrating. But stopping them can sometimes be difficult. It can be helpful to identify the root cause that’s making your border bully act out. Here are three common reasons people respond to your dreams negatively…
True Concern for You
When I was stationed in Hawaii, my sister came to visit. She loved the islands. She found a job, met her future husband, and decided to stay instead of going home once her vacation was over.
After some discussion, we decided she would live with me and help with my daughters while my husband was deployed. Perfect plan. I had help with childcare. She had a place to live until she got established. But out mom was terribly upset and worried that something bad would happen. She kept coming up with “what if?” scenarios. What if I suddenly got transferred and my sister had no place to stay. What if my husband returned from deployment and decided he didn't want my sister staying there. It didn't matter what we explained to her. She had another possible reason why it might not work.
Like my mom, the border bullies in your life might be the ones who are closest to you. Because they love you, they’re more likely to resist change for fear it will negatively impact your life. They want to see you stagnate rather than be hurt.
Co-Dependency
My friend Laura battled alcoholism for years. On her thirtieth birthday, she decided to turn her life around. She started taking positive steps by attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, reaching out for support, and talking about her journey.
When Laura’s husband began to reactive negatively to her changes, Laura was bewildered. She spoke with a counselor and asked, “Why is someone who loves me trying to sabotage my sobriety?”
As Laura shared more about her relationship with her husband, the counselor suggested that he might be co-dependent. When she's drinking, he gets to step in and be the hero. He fixes the problems her substance abuse causes and without her alcoholism, there’s nothing for him to do.
Fear of the Unknown
When I retired from the Navy, I wanted to go back to school...in my forties. I'd always had a passion for science, but when I was first attending college, money was tight. Although the Navy had always been part of my plans for my future, the cost of college caused me to enlist rather than finish college and go after my commission
But now that I could afford to go, especially since my employer had a tuition assistance program, I was eager to start again.
Unfortunately, my husband wasn’t supportive. He pointed out that I would be taking time away from the girls again, which was one of the primary reasons we had retired when we did. He reminded me how old I would be when I finally graduated and how difficult it would be to get a job in my chosen field at that age.
My husband actually meant well. He was worried about the unknown and all the things that could go wrong. As an OTR trucker at the time, he knew he wouldn't be much help if something happened. He didn’t want to see me struggle to find employment or once again grapple with the overwhelm of home, work, the girls, and now college.
It’s exhausting dealing with a border bully. But you don’t have to let yours throw your dreams off track. You can respond to a border bully in a way that’s both patient and kind.
My husband actually meant well. He was worried about the unknown and all the things that could go wrong. As an OTR trucker at the time, he knew he wouldn't be much help if something happened. He didn’t want to see me struggle to find employment or once again grapple with the overwhelm of home, work, the girls, and now college.
It’s exhausting dealing with a border bully. But you don’t have to let yours throw your dreams off track. You can respond to a border bully in a way that’s both patient and kind.
