"Money doesn't grow on trees."
"A penny saved is a penny earned."
"Go to school, get a good job. That's how you make a good living."
--Lessons from my dad
"It's impossible to keep to a budget when you don't make enough money."
"People like us just aren't meant to be millionaires."
--Lessons from my mom
If there is one thing I learned from my parents, it was how to be poor. We were. Poor. Like potato soup for dinner poor. Having to choose between heat and food poor. And it wasn't because they didn't work. Granted my dad had a problem with his vision that prevented him from ever driving or being able to do many jobs. But he did work. And if overtime was offered, he was there. I remember many days of him walking miles to work, putting in a double shift, and then walking home.
And my mom worked. Not as hard as my dad, but she still made okay money.
The reason we were poor was simple. Neither one of them knew what to do with money.
My dad was a bit better at managing than my mom. But because of his disabilities, he had been told for so long that he was slow, he believed it and so gave his paycheck to my mom every week. And as long as she gave him some to spend on a few beers after work or a cup of coffee in the cafeteria, he never questioned what she did with it.
My mom couldn't manage money at all. Not because she was incapable. She was very intelligent. I have no idea why she did the things she did.
I think the best example was when she received a sum of money for a legal settlement. The house needed repairs. Bills needed to be paid. The car needed work. So what did she do with it? Bought my daughter a registered English Setter. Bought another dog for my sister. Bought "antiques" for herself. And took everyone - the entire extended family - out to dinner.
These are the role models I had when it came to handling money. Work hard. Spend what you make on whatever makes you happy. Don't ask questions.
Fast forward to the start of my entrepreneurial journey.
I had to spend some money to get started. That's to be expected. But I had all these conflicting messages that had been drilled into me since birth.
"I need to spend money to make money. But money doesn't grow on trees. If this doesn't work, I will have lost that money. A penny saved is a penny earned. Besides, people like me aren't meant to be rich. So what am I doing? What if it doesn't work? I'd better not buy the (training, coaching, tool, equipment...whatever) I need. But now I feel depressed and a failure. I think I'll go buy something for my kids or my husband to make me feel better. Crap! I spent the money anyway only now I don't have anything constructive to show for it. I guess I better buy the (training, coaching, tool, equipment, whatever) I need after all. I need to make up for what I just foolishly spent. I know the bills are due. But I can catch up on them next month with all the money I'm going to make. But wait...what if I don't make any? People like me aren't made to be rich. Maybe I'd better just forget it. But I already bought the thing. And while I was struggling to decide whether it was worthwhile to try to succeed, a month has gone by and I haven't made any money, and mom was right, and the bill collectors are calling, and maybe if I just get that book or that course it will make a difference but what if it doesn't. I know, a new pair of shoes will cheer me up and now I have even less money...."
And on and on and on in a never ending cycle.
Sound familiar? I'm willing to bet there are more of you that can relate to this than would care to admit it. Many of us grew up being "programmed" with "unprosperous" messages. Money is hard to get. Successful people are just lucky. Or smarter. Or better. Life isn't fair. And many of us still subconsciously carry those messages with us today.
These messages can hamper our success. We may want to start a business. "Go to school, get a job", says the voice in our head. We may want to invest in our own development. Whether it's something as big as private coaching or as small as a book on something we want to know, the message in our head is the same. "Money doesn't grow on trees. A penny saved is a penny earned." And besides..."PEOPLE LIKE US WEREN'T MEANT TO BE RICH!"
I've had to work hard at overcoming all of the negative programming I received about money. It's hard. I still catch these thoughts flashing through my mind from time to time. They are immediately banished when I become aware. But how much did they impact my decisions before I realized it?
So what do we do to combat our negative programming? Here's some tips:
1. Be aware. That's the first step. Acknowledge that you do it and make a note, mental or otherwise, every time you catch yourself.
2. Identify where the thoughts are coming from. For example, the "people like us weren't meant to be rich" comes straight from my mother and has no basis in fact. There are people in my family that have done quite well. Why can't I?
3. Turn it around. Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, replace it with the opposite. "Money doesn't grow on trees" becomes "I am prosperous and have more than enough to meet my needs." "People like us weren't meant to be rich" becomes "I am a 6-figure earner." When I catch myself about to make a poor spending decision (like another pair of shoes or a dog!), I remind myself that I am not my mother and I now make smart money decisions.
The lessons our parents taught us don't have to become part of who we are. Keep the good stuff they passed on. Replace the negative. Positive self talk and affirmations can help you reframe your thinking.
Ready? Repeat after me.
"I am prosperous and have more than enough to meet my needs.
"I am a 6-figure earner."
"I will make more money this month than last."
"I effortlessly attract abundance."
"I am finding new income streams."
"I use money to create a better life."
"I release my money worries."
"I am financially empowered."
"I enjoy making money."
"I will have zero debt."
"I look at my finances without fear."
"I make money while I sleep."
"I am going to make a crap-ton of money today!"
"I am smart when it comes to making important financial decisions."
"I have money making ideas all the time."
"I have wealth in all areas of my life."
"I am worth the money I charge."
"I have multiple streams of passive income."
"I am a rich, powerful woman" (Or man)
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