What If You Were a Great Friend?

I admit it. There was a time I struggled to build close friendships. As the nerd-girl misfit for most of my life, I practiced being as invisible as possible. I definitely did not reach out to make friends. Sure I longed to embrace close, authentic relationships. But I didn’t know where to start or how to approach others.

Fortunately, everything began to change once I left home for military life. CT's are a relatively small community. And because of the nature of our work, we are perceived as being different from the rest of the Navy. I knew that feeling all too well. (Perhaps that's what drew me to the rate). So whether it was the fact that I was now surrounded by other people much like me, or the fact that it was new environment where no one had any preconceived expectations of me, I suddenly found myself making friends!  It wasn't overnight. And I learned some things along the way.

Building relationships and friendships is a key part of your business growth. In the new digital world of online marketing, being able to get your prospects and customers to know, like, and trust you can be the difference between success and failure. If you struggle to form close relationships, here are some things to try:

Do Activities You Love in Group Settings

Think of activities you love where potential friends might hang out. Think about this way. If you want to make friends with crafters, go to a local knitting circle, take a cake decorating class, or try attending one of those wine and paint clubs.

This also works with your online relationships. Facebook is focusing lots of attention on Groups. It is where the bulk of interaction seems to be happening right now. And there are groups for everything. I belong to marketing and wellness groups of course. But I also belong to a Jewelry group (earrings...my weakness), an Octopus Fan Club (yes I find them fascinating), a group for people who RV with their dogs (getting ready to do so. Might need some tips), two that focus on holistic and natural pet health (I have a houseful), one for those who appreciate a fine bourbon (Maker's Mark!), one for those who are trying to live a more environmentally friendly lifestyle, a cooking group, several inspirational, motivational, and support groups, one for authors, several shopping VIP groups, and one that posts funny cat and dog videos and memes (we all need a laugh now and then). As you can see from this list, there are groups for just about anything!

Building a friendship around a shared passion is an easy place to start. But don’t feel like you have to find your BFF during your first group hike or make everyone like you right away. Lasting friendships do take time to build.

Pay Attention to Details

As you get to know others, learn about their details, the little things that make them unique. I have a friend who always wears a "whatsit", some very noticeable pin or scarf or shoes that are sure to attract attention and start a conversation. It might be a statement necklace, her hedgehog printed scarf, or her favorite bright red heels. Knowing this detail, I try to pay attention and compliment the item of the day.

Again, this also works with your online friends. As you get to know them, you will learn the things that make them unique. Use that knowledge when commenting on their posts, or conversing on messenger.

Whether you’ve known a friend for just a few weeks or four decades, study her and what she likes. What’s her favorite flower? How does she like her coffee? What does she collect?

Set Reminders for Important Dates

Put your friend’s birthday on your calendar. If you’re using a digital calendar, set up notification for 2 weeks in advance. This gives you plenty of time to find a gift or come up with a way to honor your friend.

Fortunately, Facebook and LinkedIn will remind you of the birthdays of your Facebook friends and LinkedIn connections. Take a minute to send them a quick birthday greeting. 

But don’t stop with birthdays. Write down other dates that are important, too. Wedding anniversaries, business anniversaries, "Got" days for animal lovers who adopt rescues...try to learn what dates are important to them and set a reminder to reach out on that special day.

Remember: You Have Something to Offer

It’s natural to want community around you. It’s normal to desire close friendships. Life is more fun when we have people who “get” us. And it definitely helps make your business more fun and profitable.

But keep in mind as you search for friends or strengthen your relationships that you bring something to the table, too. It might be your quirky sense of humor, your ability to see the silver lining in every situation, or your spot-on knowledge of fashion.

Don’t hide your quirks or avoid hanging out with others because you’re worried they won’t like you. Be willing to step outside your shell so you can meet other people who think you’re amazing (because you totally are!)