How to Respond to the Border Bully

I started network marketing back when it was all about home meetings or "seminars" at hotels and restaurants. I frequently traveled for these in-person events. I loved meeting new people and connecting with friends when I traveled.

But my husband at the time was not always supportive. He comes from an older generation (yes, he was a BIT older than me). He had a much different upbringing. He didn't approve of a woman out alone at night. He thought it was dangerous.

Whenever I had an event to attend, he would pepper me with questions. “Who’s driving? Is your friend coming? Where will you be and when? Who will you meet up with?”

Responding to a border bully—even a well-meaning one—can be a challenge. You want to stay kind without losing your cool. Here are a few tips to help you out…

Look for the Nugget

I knew I could easily dismiss my husband's concerns. I could try to negate everything he was saying. But instead, I looked for the valuable nugget in his concern—that someone should know where and when I would arrive at my destination.

I recommend thanking border bullies for their input then answering their questions. “But only give enough information to be kind. I told my husband who I was meeting. I also gave him the phone number of a friend ot two who was atending with me as well as the contact information for the location the event was being held at. He was comforted but not overwhelmed by the details of people and places he did not know.

Ask for Support

Most border bullies just want to support you. They may show this by asking lots of questions (like my husband) or pointing out potential problems, and giving you unsolicited advice and suggestions. Don’t get upset or walk off in a huff when this happens.

Instead, you could patiently say, “Oh, thanks for letting me know about that issue. If you were in my shoes, how would you solve it?” By following up with a question, your loved ones feel like you value their opinion and they’re more likely to become your biggest cheerleaders.

It’s OK to Walk Away

Sometimes, a border bully can’t be supportive. No matter what you say or do, they can’t understand why you’re following your vision or chasing that dream. They may make cutting remarks or constantly make you question yourself.

If someone can’t respect your dream, it’s OK to walk away. This might mean limiting your time around that person, keeping your dreams to yourself, or avoiding contact for a while. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love the border bully; you’re just limiting the impact they can have on your goals. Border bullies are easier to deal with once you know what to say and do. Let them know that you hear their suggestions or concerns and thank them. They’ll feel appreciated and heard.