Why Do You Struggle with Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem can occur at any time or age even if you’ve had a relatively good life. However, there are some circumstances that make you more likely to develop low self-esteem.  Here are a few of the most common causes…

Comparison

Some people develop low self-esteem because they’re constantly comparing themselves to others.  Maybe you look at the woman who has your dream business and think you’ll never be like her.  Perhaps you envy a friend who seems to have a wonderful marriage and beautiful children.

You may even compare yourself to people you don’t know.  For example, envying a supermodel in a magazine. Even though you know she’s been airbrushed to perfection, you might still feel inferior.

Dysfunctional Home

Sometimes, low self-esteem begins in childhood due to difficulties in your home life. Perhaps a parent was chronically ill and unable to provide for you and your siblings.  Maybe you witnessed domestic violence between your parents.

When children don’t get their needs met in childhood, they turn inwards.  Many blame themselves even if they don’t realize it.  For example, if your parents divorced after you accidentally slipped up about dad’s affair, then you might think you were the reason your parents separated.

Trauma & Abuse

Another common reason for low self-esteem is becoming a victim of trauma.  You may have survived physical, emotional, or sexual violence. Often, becoming a victim of a violent crime leads a person to believe they are worthless, deserving of punishment, or unlovable.  These false beliefs create low self-esteem that can follow you for decades.

Like trauma victims, abuse survivors may struggle with low self-esteem.  Abuse can be more difficult to heal from since the wounds were often on-going over the course of months or even years.  Additionally, abusers often tell their victims that the abuse is their fault, that they deserve to be hurt, or that they need to be punished.

Religious Beliefs

Depending on your religious beliefs, you may have been told that you are “bad” or that you are “going to hell” if you do certain activities.  Many religions draw a line in the sand and if you cross that line, you are then cut off from other members of your family or community.

This type of belief system can lead you to believe that your behavior determines your identity.  That’s fine if your behavior falls into what’s expected and acceptable within your religion.  But if it doesn’t—if you violate these beliefs—you may see yourself as damaged, tainted, or unredeemable.

 
Now that you know the different causes of low self-esteem, you may recognize yourself in some of these examples. But the good news is that understanding where your low self-esteem is coming from is an important first step in healing it.