Finding Your Way Back

I had a wonderful life. I was on active duty with the Navy, stationed in Hawaii. I had been married to my Marine Corps husband for 5 years and we had two children.

Then one day, my husband announced he was leaving me and cleaned out the joint bank accounts. My whole life changed in the blink of an eye.

Maybe you’ve been where I was. Perhaps a partner walked out and left you alone or maybe you’re facing a different but equally serious crisis—like losing a loved one, being diagnosed with a serious illness, or losing your job. In these moments, it’s hard to know what to do. If you find yourself feeling lost, here’s how to start finding your way back…

Take the Time to Process

The worst thing you can do during a crisis is to run from your feelings. If you try to bottle them up, these feelings will just come out in other ways. Usually, these are self-destructive activities like overeating, drinking to excess, or medicating yourself.

Instead of ignoring these feelings, lean into them. If you need to cry, scream, or vent, then do it. Write a lengthy journal entry about how much you hate your ex. Call up your best friend and cry on her shoulder.

Remember, your feelings aren’t good or bad. They’re just emotions and you may feel a whole range of them. For example, when dad died, I felt relieved more than anything. But the relief quickly morphed to guilt.

I shared my feelings with a friend who pointed out my dad had been suffering from Alzheimer's for years. I watched him struggle and slowly lose touch with all that he was. She reminded me of how terrified he was of having to go into a home. The relief came because I knew that now he would never face that fear. It didn't make me a bad person.  Emotions simply are.

Do the Next Thing

When a crisis strikes, it’s tempting to look at the big picture and freak out. You might wonder if you’ll be alone forever. You may worry that you’ll never be able to rebuild your life or be happy again. These fears are normal and they’re part of walking through a crisis.

But it’s not helpful to think too much about the future when you’re going through trauma. It’s much smarter to simply focus on the next thing you need to do. For example, instead of thinking about the surgeries you have upcoming or the hundreds of decisions you’ll have to make now that you’re a single parent, look to the present.

What’s the next thing you need to right now? Is it to go to the pharmacy and pick up your medications? Or put on food for dinner?

Decide what the next task you need to do is and give it all of your attention. You don’t have to worry about how everything will turn out. Instead, keep putting one foot in front of the other.

This even works with your business.  We call it Zero-Level Marketing.  It's the bare minimum you need to do every day to keep your business afloat.  So don't worry about trying to expand while you are dealing with trauma.  Choose the one or two tasks that you can do every day to keep you present in the mind of your market.   

Practice Self-Care

During a crisis or major life event, it’s important that you take time out for yourself. This means making sure your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met. Try to eat healthy foods that energize your body. Go for a walk in the sunshine. Color or do another calming artistic activity.

This may seem like the worst time to practice self-care but it’s actually the best. You need to be at the top of your game during this crisis and you can’t do that if you’re not feeling your best.

Don’t be afraid to set aside ten minutes to do something relaxing—meditate, cuddle with your pet, focus on your breathing, read a short inspirational writing, stretch, or watch a funny YouTube video.

Finding your way back after a crisis takes time so be patient with yourself. It will be a long, winding road with plenty of twists and turns. But you’ll get there and when the journey is over, you’ll be glad you kept moving forward.