You Are Not a Fraud

You're on stage, ready to give a speech when suddenly you see one of the big names in your field in the audience. He's looking right at you and you know what he's thinking. The same thing you are thinking. You don't belong here. You haven't done anything to deserve this. You are a fraud.

Or you're nominated for an award. When the local news media reach out to you for an interview, you decline saying it's really not a big deal. You didn't do anything special. You are afraid to give the interview because you know if you do, everyone will see what you have always known. You don't deserve this...or any other...award. You are a fraud.

If you can relate to these stories, or similar situations, the truth is crystal clear. You are not a fraud. You suffer from a condition. One that affects a multitude of others as well.

It's called Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is a condition that frequently affects high-achieving people and convinces them that they are unworthy of their success. This false belief can stem from many places including a feeling that you don’t belong, an overly critical upbringing, past trauma, and even your own inner voice.

Some people use imposter syndrome to push themselves to achieve even more. In these situations, you might use your fear as motivation.

You tell yourself that you have to succeed because you don’t want anyone to know the truth about you. But as soon as you accomplish one thing, you immediately begin focusing on the next one. This creates a cycle where you’re forever pursuing bigger and more complicated goals.

For others, the fear that comes with imposter syndrome breeds procrastination. You fear that you’ll do the project wrong and everyone will realize that you never were that competent to start with.

So instead of completing the project, you keep putting it off. Once the project has reached critical status, then you’ll get it done. This can be a defense mechanism as you can tell yourself that you’d do a better job if you’d only had more time.

When Are You Most Likely to Experience Imposter Syndrome?

You can experience imposter syndrome at any point in your life or career. However, there can be certain times that you’re more likely to experience it than others. These include new situations such as starting your graduate program, going after the promotion you really want, or a shifting romantic relationship.

I experienced imposter syndrome after an unexpected promotion into management. The previous manager left after only 4 months on the job. So, I was promoted.

Despite the fact that I had already been handling most of the workload for my former boss, I still felt underprepared for the task of leading my co-workers. It wasn’t until a colleague encouraged me that I began to realize I was viewing myself differently than those around me did.

The truth is that imposter syndrome often leads you to live in your head where your self-perception can become warped. Like a fun house mirror distorts your vision, you don’t see your own abilities and accomplishments accurately.

How Does Imposter Syndrome Affect Relationships?

When many people think of imposter syndrome, their first thought is of their career or academic accomplishments. But what you may not realize is that imposter syndrome can affect your relationships as well.

I was bullied throughout middle school and high school. As I got older, I found a core group of friends who loved on me and were fiercely supportive of me. But despite this, I often found myself going along with whatever the group wanted me to do.

I was afraid that their acceptance was dependent on my performance. In my mind, I had to be easygoing and not make waves in order to be considered a good friend. I didn’t realize that my friends loved me just for who I was.

It’s not just friendships that are affected. Your romantic relationships can also be influenced if you have imposter syndrome. You might feel that you constantly have to achieve to be worthy of your spouse’s attention or that you need to “do your part” in order to have your partner stay with you.

Why Are You Experiencing Imposter Syndrome?

There are many reasons that someone might experience imposter syndrome in their personal or professional life. It could be due to low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness.

For others, it’s linked to family expectations. In these situations, your family may have quietly sent you the message that it’s not who you are that matters. It’s what you do. As a result, you feel the need to achieve in order to get the validation and love that you want.

Still, it can also be linked to what you believe is your core identity. You might believe that you have to be “the responsible one” or “the smart one”. You work hard to maintain that image in front of others for fear that you’ll lose your identity if you stop performing.

What Should You Know about Imposter Syndrome?

If there’s one important message that you need to hear in the middle of imposter syndrome, it’s this: you are not alone. Many of the smart, talented, and successful people around you also experience the same fears, insecurities, and doubts as you do.

There are a host of successful celebrities, entrepreneurs, authors, and leaders that have openly admitted to struggling with imposter syndrome. Some of these include names you may already be familiar with such as Maya Angelou, Neil Gaiman, Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, and Emma Watson.

Even with all of their success, these celebrities and successful leaders find themselves worried that they’re not all that good or talented. They think their success was a fluke or simply the result of good luck.

Yet if you’ve ever watched a Tom Hanks or Emma Watson film, you’d be quick to point out their talent. If you listened to Maya Angelou or Michelle Obama, you’d be impressed by their accomplishments.

Should You Let Imposter Syndrome Stop You?

The world is filled with people who never sing the songs in their heart, never write the books they want to, or speak out about the issues they truly care about. When the moment comes to step up, they look around and ask, “Who? Me? I’m not qualified enough.”

Then they convince themselves that they’ll be worthy or ready after more. More achievements. More schooling. More accomplishments. More, more, more.

But the world needs you now. It needs your voice. It needs the songs you want to sing or the books you want to write or the paintings you want to create. It needs you to rise up. Because you are here for a purpose. You were made to dream and dance and laugh and lead. The story of your life matters.

It’s time to overcome imposter syndrome once and for all. It’s time to stop letting this self-doubt hold you back and step into the beautiful, brave woman you’re meant to be. 

 

Overcoming Fear. Embracing Courage.

I 've been absent from this blog for quite a while. Well over a month. I've been doing some soul searching and deep inner work. 

You see, my business is heading in an entirely new direction. One that is more aligned with my heart. Which meant decisions had to be made.

New website? Revamp the old one? Did I even need a website?

Ditto with branding. New logo? New photos? What could I keep? What needed to be discarded to make room for newer stuff?

What new skills would I need to learn? Definitely needed to up my video game. Instagram. YouTube. I'm even starting a podcast. 

And this blog. Keep it? Start over with a new one? Give up blogging all together?

Decisions!

It's a little overwhelming . I am making a HUGE change in my business. And as much as I am excited, exhilarated, and enthusiastic, there is a small amount of fear. 

What if I fail?

Yes, even after 23+ years in some sort of business, I can still experience doubt and fear.

And as a more "mature' woman, navigating through it can be particularly challenging in a world that sometimes feels like it is stacked against us. If I mess this up, there isn't a lot of time to correct course. Let's be real. 66 means there are far fewer years ahead than there are behind.

However, I am here to tell you that fear, even though at my age it can be formidable, is not unconquerable. In fact, it can be the very thing that propels us forward toward our dreams.

Understanding Fear

Many years ago I wrote an article about overcoming objections while recruiting for your network marketing team. And in it I said that no matter what the objection, the root cause was always the same.

FEAR

Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of rejection. Even fear of success. It's a natural response, designed to protect us from harm. But it can paralyze us if we allow it to dictate our actions. And for women, especially older women, it can be even harder to overcome. After lifetimes of being told we have to be strong to succeed, fear can make us feel vulnerable. And that is scary in itself!

It's Time To Embrace Our Vulnerability

Contrary to what many of us have been told all our professional lives, vulnerability is NOT a weakness. It's a strength. When we acknowledge our fears and vulnerabilities, it allows us to confront them. Honestly. Authentically. By embracing our vulnerability we open ourselves to transformative experiences...like launching the project that sets your soul on fire!

Cultivate Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the cornerstone of overcoming fear. Stop berating yourself for feeling afraid! Would  you treat a friend facing similar challenges like that? I get clients all the time that are afraid to take a big step with their business. I certainly don't scold them! It's time we treat ourselves with the same empathy and compassion we would offer to our friends. We need to talk to ourselves with the same respect and guidance I give my clients. 

I Had To Set Realistic Goals

Obviously, since I'm here writing this today, I managed to overcome my fears, at least enough to move forward with my vision. And yes, I decided to keep this blog active. It might be different in future than what you are used to. But I think you'll actually appreciate it more! 

Breaking down my aspirations into small, manageable goals helped me overcome my fear of failure. It helped me create action steps that make my objectives attainable. I'm not so intimidated anymore! In fact, I just celebrated one of my first achievements. The successful launch of my Designing Your Best Life Vision Board Journal! And I'll be celebrating more milestones along the way!

Challenging My Limiting Beliefs

I had to realize that some of my fears stemmed from some deeply ingrained beliefs about myself and my capabilities. I won't go into all of them here. If you read enough of this blog, you know all the things I have overcome in my years. Even so, I sometimes have to challenge those limiting beliefs that can still creep in. Thankfully I am very adept at self-coaching! By questioning their validity and reframing them in a more positive light, I was able to put them aside and move ahead. 

Remember, you are not defined by your fears, anymore than I am. You are defined by your resilience and determination to overcome them!

I Have Support

I also know I don't have to face these fears alone. I am surrounded by a supportive network of ladies...friends, family, mentors...many who are also making big changes in their lives. We uplift and inspire each other. By sharing our experiences and seeking guidance, we draw strength from our collective wisdom and encouragement. If that sounds like the kind of place you'd like to hang out, you can join us here. There's always room for one more!

It's Time for Another Growth Spurt

So yes, I'm pushing forward with my passion project. It might not work out exactly as I envision it. So what? That is not the end of the road. It's a stepping stone on the path to my best life. It's an opportunity to learn and grow. I might even have time to make some course corrections! After all, I'm only 66! I have a lifetime ahead of me! And as I navigate each setback or speed bump, I get valuable lessons and insights that just help me move closer to my goal.

I have my "Power Hour" activities to help keep me grounded. Meditation. Affirmations. Journaling. Reading books on business and personal development to keep me informed. Exercise, hydration and good whole food to keep me healthy. Self-care to nourish your mind, body, and spirit is vital when you're growing.

Celebrating My Strength

I'm proud that I decided to take this step. It brings all of my strengths, accomplishments, and unique experiences and qualities together to offer something that will empower other women to do more, see more, and most importantly, BE more. 

Overcoming fear is not something you do one time and that's it. It's a continuous process. Every new experience can result in growth, self-discovery, and empowerment if you'll let it. As women, we are inherently resilient. It's in our blood! We have the fortitude to face our fears with courage and grace. It's in our genes! I know I am not the only one facing big changes right now. Some of them of our own choosing. Some of them out of our control. And some of you may be afraid. Embrace those fears! Use them as a catalyst for transformation. You have the power to conquer them! It's already inside you! 

Dare to DREAM.  And when you dream, dream BIG! Dare to aspire. Dare to fearlessly pursue your passions and purpose. Come join me! Together we will rise above fear and forge a brighter, bolder future for ourselves, our families. And maybe even for generations to come!

What's Your Purpose?

I believe in serving your audience before you sell. But how are you called to serve in your business?? How can knowing your calling help you serve your audience better?

I've been pondering this as I slowly figure out what Rebel Tribe will look like as I build it. I've had some thoughts and will share a few ideas. 

When I first started talking about the new direction for my business, I mentioned that I felt "called" to do this. But what exactly is a "calling" and how do you find yours? It's not something we're born knowing. And we aren't taught to find our calling in school. So what is the best way to find your calling?

I can only tell you how it came for me. It was a feeling that my business in it's state at that time wasn't personally satisfying. The money was great but it wasn't emotionally or spiritually gratifying. I felt like something was missing. That there was definitely more I could be doing to help people than simply teaching them about marketing skills. So I guess it starts by listening and engaging with yourself and your surroundings.

What are you passionate about? For me, it's helping others live the life they have always wanted. Whether that's as a 7-figure earner in an online business or a young man just starting out on his journey who simply wants to take his camera and a backpack and photograph the world.

Your calling is that thing that sets your soul on fire, and makes your heart sing and causes you to jump out of bed in the morning ready to get to work or stay up late at night working on a project because you're too excited to sleep.

And finding it can be a process that often starts with that little nagging voice in the back of your mind that says something is missing. There has to be more to life than this.

If you're struggling to hear it, try meditating. Or journaling. Or simply talking it through with friends. 

Your calling makes you feel like all your hard work is connected to your values or a higher purpose. It can take a lot of work to pursue your calling. Finding the meaning of life isn't easy! There will be ups and downs. There may be struggles as you try to figure out how exactly to bring your dream to fruition. 
There will be days when you it will simply be exhausting. But remember one thing.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Because once you find your true calling, you will discover a life filled with more meaning. You will discover a sense of purpose. You will LOVE what you do. And be happier doing it.

So now that you know what a calling is, is it time to find yours?

Self-Coaching Makes Anything Possible!

Finishing up my series on self-coaching! It's a wonderful way to reach your goals and challenge yourself! Regardless of what you want to accomplish, regardless of where you are in life, you can create more of what you want!

I even used it to become an author and an artist! Two things I always dreamed of doing but never thought I could accomplish them.

I wanted to hold my book and see it on my bookshelf.

I love to read. I am a certified bibliophile! So I always dreamed of being an author one day. A dream out of reach for a poor kid from the wrong side of town, or so I thought. But on my 59th birthday, my book was published! How?

I was fortunate enough to have someone tell me to stop dreaming of writing the great American novel and to just write what I knew. Those words stuck with me. Write what I knew. I could do that! I coached myself through the process of writing my first book. And then I talked myself into reaching out to an editor I knew.

And when a friend offered to introduce me to a publisher I coached myself through learning about publishing contracts and royalties so I could speak with him from a position of strength and knowledge.

Within a few months, I was able to proudly release my first book, thanks to my self-coaching skills.

Did you know I'm an artist/designer?

My mother was an artist. My sister can draw. My daughter and grandson can draw. Unfortunately, the artistic gene bypassed me completely! I can't even draw stick figures! But I still loved to doodle and paint. I dreamed of being an artist or designer. even though I was awful!

Then one day while I was online, I discovered Canva. So now at least, I could create professional looking images for my business.

But then I discovered the glories of print-on-demand. I could upload my creations from Canva and have them printed on various products. Then I would get to keep a portion of the profits.

I coached myself through the start up process and chose a brand name. I picked five of my favorite images and put them up online. The sales started trickling in slowly but after a year, it became another viable income stream. And I am doing something I love. Creating art!

There's nothing like the thrill of achieving a dream and realizing YOU made it all happen.

With self-coaching there are no limits! You can do anything you choose to do.

My Top 3 Most Effective Self-Coaching Techniques

Do you need some self-coaching ideas? Try using one of these techniques to motivate and encourage yourself

The 4 Whys

This is a great coaching method to use when you encounter a problem or setback. It involves stating the problem then asking why several times in order to get to the root of the issue so you can correct it. In fact, in the Navy, we called a similar technique "root cause analysis." For example the 4 Whys might look like this for you:

Problem: I can't start my business

• Why? Because I don't have a website.
• Why? I don't know how to build a website.
• Why? I have never taken a course in web design.
• Why? I don't know where such a course is offered.

As you can see, this helps you establish the cause (a lack of knowledge) and come up with a plan to overcome it (take a web design class, of course!)  Of course, keep in mind that some problems require you to ask "why" more than 4-5 times. So you may may have to experiment with this technique before you get to the root of your problem.

Affirmations

Affirmations can be a useful self-coaching strategy if you struggle with negative thoughts about yourself. For example, you might regularly think things like :   

• I'm dumb
• I'm ugly
• I'm useless
• I'm a failure
• I'm worthless

These thoughts don't serve you. They are no helping you reach your goals and what's more, they're holding you back from stepping into your full potential. In order to overcome these thoughts, you need to replace them with positive affirmations. A few good ones to start with are:

• I can create what I want
• I am a beautiful masterpiece.
• My life has value and meaning
• I am worthy of love and respect
• My feelings matter

The nest time you hear a negative thought, try repeating a positive affirmation.

Reframe It

You can't always change a situation you find yourself in. But you can always change your perspective of that situation. For example, you might be in a difficult spot financially and unable to change it for one reason or another, 

But you can alter your though pattern. You might say, "I don't make enough money!" This thought creates stress and invites lack into your life. Instead, try reframing the situation by saying, "I make enough money to keep the lights on and I choose to embrace abundance!"

Coaching yourself can be easy once you know the techniques to use. At first, it may seem odd to practice these tips. But as you begin to rely on them more often, you'll open your mind...and your heart...to the beautiful truth of who you are.  

P.S. You don't need a website to start a business. All you need is a phone or a computer, an idea, and the courage to give it a go.                    

Accountability in Self-Coaching: How Does It Work?

Do you love the idea of self-coaching? Are you worried about giving it a try? Are you wondering, “How do I coach myself effectively? Maybe if I self-coach I’ll end up letting myself off the hook.”

Well what you are looking for is accountability. It’s an important part of any coaching relationship. But with self-coaching, it’s easy to let yourself slide. Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to hold onto accountability…

Write Down Your Goals

The first step is to be open about what you’re trying to accomplish. If you’re not clear on what your goal is, self-coaching may not be a good fit for you at this time. You may need the help of a life coach to determine what your goals are.

If you know what you want to do, then write down that goal. You want to be specific while doing this. Don’t put down a vague goal like “earn more money” or “lose some weight”. Get honest with yourself here—do you want to earn an extra 20K this year? Are you working to lose 60 pounds?

The more specific you are, the easier accountability will be. That’s because you’ll be able to look back and see if you’ve achieved your goals or not.

Set Milestones

Once you know what your goal is, establish what the milestones are. Milestones are like rest stops. If you’ve ever traveled on a long road trip, then you know how refreshing a good stop can be. It gives you a chance to stretch your legs, fuel back up, and remind yourself why you were excited about the journey in the first place.

Tiny milestones tend to work best. So if your goal is to lose 60 pounds, then focus on losing the first 10. If you want to earn $20K extra this year, concentrate on making $2K first. With small milestones you feel like you’re making progress faster and you’ll be more energized to keep going.

Review Your Progress

An important part of accountability is stopping to look at your progress regularly. Every two to three months, have a check-in session. This is when you pull out your list of goals and your milestones. If you’re getting closer to your goal and hitting milestones, celebrate.

If you’re not making the progress you’d hoped to be, don’t use this as an excuse to shame or berate yourself. Instead, get curious. Ask yourself why you’re not reaching for this goal and be honest in your answer. Is it really that you don’t have time? Or is it that you’re not making it a priority?

Course Correct

As you review your progress toward your goals, you may spot problems. This is an excellent time to course correct. For example, if your goal is to write a book and you’re still on chapter one, you may realize that you need to build writing time into your schedule each day.

Reward Yourself

An important part of the self-coaching process is rewarding good behavior. When you reach a milestone or a goal, you need to give yourself positive feedback in the form of a reward.

This reward should match the accomplishment. You don’t want to give yourself a lavish $10K vacation cruise if your goal is to save money and invest it.

Instead, choose a reward that you find exciting and that represents your goal. For example, if your goal is to build your business then training or a tool to help you on your new path would make an excellent reward for reaching a business goal.

Accountability is necessary in every coaching relationship, especially when you’re self-coaching. It takes discipline and determination to reach your goals but you can do it if you’re committed to the process.

Is Self-Coaching Right For You?

Self-coaching can be a wonderful adventure! But how successful you are can depend on the stage of change you're in. If you're wondering about self-coaching, here are four times you should consider doing it.

If You're Fully Committed

Self-coaching works best when you're already fully committed to making a change or are in the process of making a change. If you know that something in your life needs to be changed and you're ready to do the work, you may only need the occasional pep talk from yourself.

If You're Taking Consistent Action

Those who do best with self-coaching tend to be what's known as "self-starters". They don't need external circumstances (like a boss) telling them to do things. They simply get up and do what needs to be done.

When you're already taking consistent action toward your goals, you're internally motivated. You're not depending on others to wake you up and get you going. You're already rolling!

If You're Already Working With A Coach

Self-coaching does work well alongside hired coaching or other interventions like counseling. Just because you're already working with a coach or a counselor doesn't mean you should give up on the idea of self-coaching. It just adds an extra layer of wisdom to the experience.

If You Already Have The Skills

Sometimes, you may already have the skills you need for a task You might also be familiar with the tools and techniques you'll need to navigate a tricky transition in your personal life or career.

Having the support of a coach during this time can be a wonderful thing. But if you're already confident in your skills or know how to use mindset tools, you may find self-coaching enjoyable and fun.

When Doesn't Self-Coaching Work?

Self-coaching is not as likely to be effective when you're learning a new skill or technique. That's because you may need the support and advice that comes from someone who's already been where you are.

You also may need a coach when you have ambivalence about making a change or when you feel paralyzed by indecision. That's because coaches are used to guiding their clients through difficult life choices and they have experience doing this.

Self-coaching can be a wonderful adventure! But remember, the effectiveness of your self-coaching will depend on the stage of change you're in and the level of confidence you've achieved with your preferred coaching tools.

4 Big Benefits of Self- Coaching

Changes! I've had a lot of them in my life. And the biggest? Leaving everything I knew and starting a new business and a new life in a new state where I had no connections, no network...nothing. How did I do it? I self-coached my way through the experience.

What Is Self-Coaching?

Self-coaching is the process of leading yourself through mindset shifts and habit breakthroughs to arrive at the next level. The definition sounds simple but the process can be complex. If you're like me and considering self-coaching, here are four big benefits of doing that.

Benefit #1: Learning to Trust Your Essence

Essence is who you are at your core. It's the purest form of your identity. It's the part of you that's truly authentic when everything else is stripped away. Unfortunately, most of us lose track of our essence at some point in our lives. This means that life decisions like where to live or what business to pursue become muddied and difficult to make.

But with self-coaching, you learn to push back against outer (and inner) resistance. You become more in tune with your values and what you want from life. That makes it easier for you to make choices that honor who you are.

Benefit #2: Changing Your Inner Talk

Many people struggle with a "mean girls" voice in their head. This ugly voice reminds you of all the ways you are falling short and why you're a failure. The inner talk may sound like a parent that criticized you constantly, a teacher that didn't support you, classmates or co-workers that bullied you, or a spouse that verbally abused you.

Regardless, inner talk that isn't loving and kind is harming you. With self-coaching, you learn to change the way you talk about yourself. Instead of saying cruel words over who you are, you begin speaking life and truth.

Benefit #3: Cultivating Curiosity

When you're not in touch with your essence and your inner talk is negative, there's not a lot of space to grow. You fear making mistakes or failing. So you spend the majority of your time settling for mediocrity.

But self-coaching gives you the tools to ask questions. No longer are you forced to view the choices you make as black and white or good and bad. Instead, you have permission and space to ask yourself questions. What do you want to crete more of? How would you like to experiment today? What do you want to learn more about?

Benefit #4: Taking Time to Pause

It's easy to get stuck in "reaction" mode. Someone cuts you off in traffic, you spill your coffee on your shirt, and you lock your keys in the card all in the same day. It's tempting to let these things take over and have your focus.

But with self-coaching, you create space to pause and reflect. Rather than reacting to what's happening, you can take a breath and create an action plan that doesn't revolve around reacting. It's so freeing and empowering to realize you can do this!

Self-coaching is a wonderful gift to give yourself. Your age doesn't matter. Your income level doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter if you've never coached anyone. You can become your very life coach today!

Books, Trainings, Podcasts...Oh My!

Personal growth. Personal development. You've heard the words. But do you understand how important they are to you as a business owner? 

"Of course I do, Melodieann! I'm always learning new skills."

That's great. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about developing your mindset. I'm talking about working on YOURSELF. I'm talking about feeding yourself material that develops that millionaire mind... that forces you to think bigger, get uncomfortable, and develop your unlimited potential prosperity mindset.

Personal development can help you grow stronger and more confident. It can help you make the most out of your life and your business so you can experience all the success you're hoping for.

That's why it's so important to incorporate time for personal growth/development into your DMO (daily method of operations).

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Read. You knew I was going to say that. An avowed bookworm like me would never let a chance to encourage someone to pick up a book slide by! Read. Read often. Read at least one book a month. More if you can. 

Not only does reading expand your knowledge and vocabulary, it also helps stimulate your mind and improve your critical thinking skills.

Some of my favorite personal development books? The Success Principles by Jack Canfield. The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

2. Online Training. For those of you who don't like to read (gasp), enrolling in online trainings is an option. You'll reap all the benefits of reading. By engaging in personal development courses, you can develop skills in areas such as strategic and creative thinking, listening, problem solving and mindset development. With the right skills and knowledge in place you will become more confident, fulfilled, effective and empowered not just in your business but in life as well.

Of course I have favorites courses. Check out The Science of Well-Being by Yale University. Learning How to Learn: Powerful mental tools to help you master tough subjects. Mindshift: Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential by McMaster University

3. Podcasts. Okay. Don't like to read. No time for training courses. Don't worry, We've got you covered. How about listening to a podcast while you're doing whatever keeps you so busy each day. There are a ton of great personal development podcasts out there. Some of my favorites? Optimal Living Daily. Happier with Gretchen Rubin. The Tony Robbins Podcast. And of course the MLSP Daily Wake Up Call (not exactly a podcast but close enough). Just dial in at 11 am every day. 512-807-0222.

4. Find a mentor. A professional mentor can help you achieve real improvement. If you don't have a mentor, but want to be surrounded by upbeat, encouraging people, join the Ninja Marketers Facebook Group. Who knows? You might even learn a marketing trick or two.

There are many ways to incorporate personal development into your daily routine. Not all of them will work for everyone. But there is something that will work for you. So always be learning, growing, and working on YOU.

I Hate To Break It To You....

This is a tough post to write. Because I think I'm probably going to piss a few people off. What I have to say is going to be hard for some folks to swallow. But here goes...

If you aren't actually working on your business every day, it's your fault if you don't get ahead.

You can't just cold message a few random folks...

Put up a cat video on Instagram...

Spam your link all over Facebook...

And then spend the rest of the day watching Real Housewives...

(Or whatever the hot show is. I'm so out of touch with television, I don't actually know.)

And then tell me you are building a business.

Now that might hurt a little. I can already hear the collective gasp of indignation. Followed by the usual litany of excuses.

"I'm still working my job so I don't have time."

"I don't have money to advertise."

"I don't have all the right equipment."

"I don't know how to do __________ (fill in the blank with whatever)"

"I'm too ________ (again, fill in the blank)"

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...

I hate to break it to you, but none of these excuses are valid. 

Still working? So are lots of other up-and-coming rockstars. Can you spend an hour...just one hour...every day doing something to move your business forward? If you say no, you and I need to talk. How serious are you about this?

No money? No problem. Most of us didn't have money when we started. That's one of the reasons we started a business. We needed more money! Fortunately, with the internet and all of the tools available, you don't need a lot of money to get started. 

No fancy gadgets and gizmos? All you need anymore is a laptop or smartphone and a way to connect to the internet. 

Don't know how to do something? Google it and learn. Or go search YouTube for a how-to video. Or join my FB group. We teach you stuff!

And if you think you're too (rich, poor, fat, thin, old, young, whatever), you're wrong. There are literally hundreds...maybe thousands...of people just like you who are doing this. Successfully.

The difference? They treat their business like a business. It's not a hobby that they work on only when everything is perfect. It's NEVER perfect. So when they hit a speed bump and those excuses start to creep into their heads, they push forward. The rest of you grab the popcorn and the remote and complain about how tough it all is. 

I'm being tough with you right now because I don't want your business to be like this. If you are a reader of my blog, I assume you are an entrepreneur at heart. Even if you're struggling to get started. 

So let's make some changes.

Change your mindset. If you want more out of your life and your business, you have to believe that it's possible.  

Look for ways to learn and grow. Sure you may need a few new skills. You can learn most of them for free or very inexpensively. Then it's just a matter of practice.

Start making connections. Sometimes it feels like you're the only one struggling. I promise you, you're not. Surround yourself with other entrepreneurs who are building their businesses. You might be surprised how many of them have been right where you are now and found solutions. You might even have the solution for someone else's problem. 

So...I hate to break it to you, but...

If you REALLY want to build a successful business, it's possible. You just have to do the work. Or you can continue to whine and complain. 

But if you have time to whine and complain about something, you have time to do something about it!

How Often Do You Meditate?

Wait...WHAT?

Yes, that's right. How often do you meditate? Meditation and visualization can have a profound impact on your business. When you begin to meditate regularly, you create a feeling of focus, calm, and positivity in your life. And what entrepreneur can't  use a little more focus, calm, and positivity? 

Elite athletes, world-class musicians, and top performers in many fields have used visualization and meditation for years. When you visualize yourself performing an activity or task, your muscles and brain react much the same as if you were actually physically practicing it. 

You've heard the quote, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." Visualizing yourself building a successful business actually helps reinforce that positive mindset. What happens in your mind happens in reality. If it works for athletes and musicians, it will definitely will work for you. That's because being an entrepreneur is as much mindset as it is physical activities. Your DMO will take of the daily activities to build your business. Visualization and meditation will help with the mindset.

Meditation and visualization can also help you shut down at the end of the day. I don't know about you but I often have trouble shutting my mind down at the end of particularly eventful day. Whether I'm excited about new opportunities and running through all the possibilities in my head....or it's been a less than productive day and I'm rehashing all the mistakes...trying to sleep when my mind won't be quiet is HARD! All too often we may start the next day worn out and frustrated from lack of restful sleep. Many may even turn to unhealthy remedies to get the sleep they need. Meditation and visualization can help you quiet your thoughts, calm your mind, and create a sense of positivity and well-being, allowing you to rest. 

If you are going through a rough spot in your business, meditation and visualization can help there too. First, meditating and repeating positive affirmations while visualizing yourself achieving your goals can help dispel any negative thoughts and energy. We attract what we focus on so you want to be filling your mind and space with positive thoughts. 

Meditation and visualization can also help you tap into your intuition and subconscious mind. How many times have you had a problem. You've stressed over it and thought about it, with no solution. So you decide to find something to focus on to "take your mind off it" and suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, comes the answer you needed. By taking your focus off the problem, you just opened your mind to receive the answer. Meditation and visualization work the same way. .Deliberately tapping into the power of your subconscious mind and your intuition can help you find answers to questions, new ways to do things, and new opportunities.

So...how often do you meditate? Ideally, the answer should be every day! Sit down first thing in the morning to visualize, mentally rehearse, and step into the vision of your future potential that sets every single cell in your body on fire. You must get up a different person. And then your goal is to sustain this new state of being throughout the day.

 

 

Drumroll Please! Announcing My Most Popular Posts of 2019!

I love sharing my most popular posts of the past year.  I am always excited to see what resonates with my audience.  What interests them the most.  It gives me a real peek into your needs and helps me create content that is actually USEFUL to you!

I look at what posts got the most traffic over the year.  And it always amazes me.  First, because it doesn't always correspond with the list published on my blog.  And second, because sometimes the post wasn't published that same year!  Those are the ones I love the most.  It lets me know that I shared something valuable and timeless.  And that is a dream come true for me!

I blog on all sorts of topics.  Mostly business.  Some would say others aren't strictly business related but I think there's an element of entrepreneurship in there somewhere.  I try to share interesting people I've met, valuable resources I've found, and everything I have learned over time.  And that diversity is almost always represented in the top 10 list.


Are you curious to see what caught everyone's attention this year?  Me too!  So without further ado, here are my Top 10 Most Popular Posts of 2019!


1.  The number one post of 2019 was actually published in 2018 but continued to strike a chord with lots of people.  And I'm not surprised.  I introduced you to the woman who can help your children or grandchildren go to college for FREE!  If you haven't met her yet, you will definitely want to check out Free College? Yes, Says Elizabeth Wallace.  If you have a college-bound teen in your family, this is a must read.


2.  I Know What I Bring To The Table.  I really do!  And I laid it all out in this post from 2018 that still resonates with people today.  Your experiences in life can make you or break you.  I chose to use mine to help me grow.  What will you choose?


3.  If you want to know where I learned how to make money, look no further.  The third most popular post this year was What My Parents Taught Me About Money.  You might be surprised.  It's may not be what you think!


4.  You know how I feel about multiple streams of income.  Everybody needs them.  So I loved the interview I did with Terri Dennis.  She is the master of multiple streams of income.  Apparently many others liked it too because it was the fourth most popular post of 2019.  Check it out.  Terri Dennis Talks about Multiple Streams of Income. 


5.   One of the reasons you chose to work from home was to spend more time with your family, am I right?  But you also have to actually work from time to time!  My fifth most popular post helps with that dilemma by sharing how to Make Your Home Office Family Friendly.


6.  Just so you know...my book collection now rivals Kerry's!  Build a Better Business with This One Simple Habit.


7.  If you have a side hustle that you want to turn into a full-time gig, I have a suggestion for you.  Set up a referral or affiliate program.  If you're stuck on how to begin, #7 gives you some steps to help you Start an Affiliate Program.


8.  My tribute to my dad touched a lot of hearts, making it the eighth most popular post of for 2019.  Lessons from My Dad I still carry with me today.


9.  I love introducing everyone to the amazing people I meet and work with.  Apparently you like it too.  Three of my top most popular posts were profiles of really cool people.  You've met Elizabeth Wallace and Terri Dennis.  Now meet Al Glover.  You can read all about him here.  Sometimes It Pays to Step Outside the Norm! Meet Al Glover!


10.  Last but not least.  This post has made the list every year.  That tells me a lot about what is happening in the industry.  I wrote this back in 2013 and six years later it still hits people where they hurt...objections to our business model.  If you are struggling, check out Network Marketing Tip of the Week - Overcoming Objections. 


Which post on this list is your favorite?  I know which ones I had the most fun writing!  Or is there one you love that didn't make the list?  Share your faves in the comments. 

Finding Your Way Back

I had a wonderful life. I was on active duty with the Navy, stationed in Hawaii. I had been married to my Marine Corps husband for 5 years and we had two children.

Then one day, my husband announced he was leaving me and cleaned out the joint bank accounts. My whole life changed in the blink of an eye.

Maybe you’ve been where I was. Perhaps a partner walked out and left you alone or maybe you’re facing a different but equally serious crisis—like losing a loved one, being diagnosed with a serious illness, or losing your job. In these moments, it’s hard to know what to do. If you find yourself feeling lost, here’s how to start finding your way back…

Take the Time to Process

The worst thing you can do during a crisis is to run from your feelings. If you try to bottle them up, these feelings will just come out in other ways. Usually, these are self-destructive activities like overeating, drinking to excess, or medicating yourself.

Instead of ignoring these feelings, lean into them. If you need to cry, scream, or vent, then do it. Write a lengthy journal entry about how much you hate your ex. Call up your best friend and cry on her shoulder.

Remember, your feelings aren’t good or bad. They’re just emotions and you may feel a whole range of them. For example, when dad died, I felt relieved more than anything. But the relief quickly morphed to guilt.

I shared my feelings with a friend who pointed out my dad had been suffering from Alzheimer's for years. I watched him struggle and slowly lose touch with all that he was. She reminded me of how terrified he was of having to go into a home. The relief came because I knew that now he would never face that fear. It didn't make me a bad person.  Emotions simply are.

Do the Next Thing

When a crisis strikes, it’s tempting to look at the big picture and freak out. You might wonder if you’ll be alone forever. You may worry that you’ll never be able to rebuild your life or be happy again. These fears are normal and they’re part of walking through a crisis.

But it’s not helpful to think too much about the future when you’re going through trauma. It’s much smarter to simply focus on the next thing you need to do. For example, instead of thinking about the surgeries you have upcoming or the hundreds of decisions you’ll have to make now that you’re a single parent, look to the present.

What’s the next thing you need to right now? Is it to go to the pharmacy and pick up your medications? Or put on food for dinner?

Decide what the next task you need to do is and give it all of your attention. You don’t have to worry about how everything will turn out. Instead, keep putting one foot in front of the other.

This even works with your business.  We call it Zero-Level Marketing.  It's the bare minimum you need to do every day to keep your business afloat.  So don't worry about trying to expand while you are dealing with trauma.  Choose the one or two tasks that you can do every day to keep you present in the mind of your market.   

Practice Self-Care

During a crisis or major life event, it’s important that you take time out for yourself. This means making sure your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met. Try to eat healthy foods that energize your body. Go for a walk in the sunshine. Color or do another calming artistic activity.

This may seem like the worst time to practice self-care but it’s actually the best. You need to be at the top of your game during this crisis and you can’t do that if you’re not feeling your best.

Don’t be afraid to set aside ten minutes to do something relaxing—meditate, cuddle with your pet, focus on your breathing, read a short inspirational writing, stretch, or watch a funny YouTube video.

Finding your way back after a crisis takes time so be patient with yourself. It will be a long, winding road with plenty of twists and turns. But you’ll get there and when the journey is over, you’ll be glad you kept moving forward.

The Power of Belief

If you don't believe in yourself there is nothing I or anyone else can do for you...

I can teach you all the marketing in the world but if it's lack of belief you suffer from, you will falter and even fail until you find it.

I know because I suffered from it for years!

This is the reason personal development is so important.  It's the reason I spend as much time on your mindset as I do your marketing and networking skills.  You have to build that belief within yourself.

Lack of belief is so limiting.  No matter what business you choose to start, without belief in yourself, you could very well doom yourself to failure before you even get started.

So I guess my question is this:  WHY?  Why do you have so little faith in your abilities.  Sure, you may cover it up by saying you have doubts about the products, or the business model, or the compensation plan, or a hundred other things you can come up with.  But if you honestly told the truth, none of those things are the issue.  You just don't have faith in YOURSELF!

Sure lots of businesses fail.  But the ones that do typically do so from lack of effort.  And lack of effort almost always comes from lack of belief.  And it's true that network marketing isn't for everyone.  Running a home business of any sort is not for everyone!  It can be challenging!  But if you believe in your own abilities, you won't be afraid to face those challenges head on.  And once you do, chances are great that you will find a way to make your business work.  That's when all the marketing techniques and sales tips and cool tools will actually be beneficial.  Because you won't be afraid to experiment a little, try some new things, shift course a time or two if need be - all while keeping an eye on your goals.  And that's what will make the difference between success and failure.  Believing that you can achieve your goals and create the life you want for you and your family.

We all deal with doubt at times.  I certainly did.  No one in my family had ever worked from home.  My mom dabbled in Tupperware and some jewelry direct sales way back when.  But she never really pursued it.  And the rest of my family thought I was crazy when I told them what I was doing.  And for years I took their doubts to heart and adopted them as my own. 

But then one day I met some new people...more "crazy" people just like me.  Not only were they building successful businesses from their homes.  They told me I could do it too.  And they kept telling me and telling me until I began to believe that maybe...just maybe...it was possible.  And as I began to believe, that confidence began to show - in my marketing.  In my interactions with my team.  With my customers.  And things began to change.  I began to have some success.  And the only difference was the fact that I had stopped doubting myself.  I didn't have a fancy website, or some grand advertising plan, or high-tech gadgets and gizmos.  I still don't.  What I do have is an ironclad belief that I will be successful in whatever I choose to do.

Everyone can become better if they want to.  You can improve your skills, your health, your relationships, your entire LIFE!  If you want a successful business, you can make it happen.  I believe in you!  Do you?

If so, great!  Get to work on whatever it is you want to achieve in your life!  You can do it!  I can help.

If not, it's time for a mindset shift.  There are great coaches, and books, and tools out there to help you  become more confident in yourself.  Find the one that's right for you.  Because until you do, nothing I can teach you will matter.   Nothing will work until you learn to believe in yourself.

I Know What I Bring To The Table

I bring a lot to the table.  A lifetime of experience...

So far I have been through:

11 jobs

A full military career (Cryptologic Technician, USN)

20+ years in business (not counting all the times I dabbled and quit.  That would make it 43 years off and on).

4 major career shifts/life reinventions (and countless "course corrections)

4 relocations (not counting all the military transfers.  Or the times we had to move growing up because we couldn't afford to stay where we were.  Grew up poor. That raises the total substantially!)

2 marriages, 1 divorce

38 years of marriage ( 6 years with husband #1, 32 years with husband #2)

Raised 1 daughter and 1 step-daughter through their teenage years (YIKES!)

37 years of raising/supporting a child with chronic health issues

13 years of being married to someone with chronic health issues

The deaths of both my parents

The births of 5 grandchildren

8 years caring for a parent with Alzheimer's

1 book published, 2 more in progress

3 years of college (not all at once.  It's hard going to school when you are on active duty).

Cancer (which derailed that last year of college.  After that, finishing just wasn't that important)

1 HUGE crisis of faith (no details on that.  Too many others involved who may not want their story told.)

1 MASSIVE rekindling of my faith

2 earthquakes, 2 hurricanes, 1 volcanic eruption, 1 blizzard (no tornados yet - at least not directly - despite living in Tornado Alley for the past 25 years).

5 network marketing companies (took me awhile to learn it wasn't the company, it was me).

I was born before there were things like the internet, cellphones, cable TV, satellite radio, or computers. My grandchildren laugh when I tell them that.  They can't fathom life without these conveniences.  Today I run a thriving online business.

I grew up poor.  I mean POOR!  Like standing in line to get surplus food poor.  Having your mom remake hand-me-downs from your cousins so you could have "new" school clothes poor. Potato soup and fried squash for dinner poor.  Turning on the oven in the kitchen to get warm because there was no heat poor. Today, I pretty much can buy whatever I want.  My children and grandchildren have never known what it's like to be cold or hungry.  They've had everything they needed and a lot of what they wanted (not everything!  They do need to understand the value of working for something.)

My mom had some issues.  I realize now that she was bi-polar.  And probably suffered from dementia caused by her uncontrolled diabetes.  But back then we didn't have the knowledge and treatments available today.  So she was just "odd".  Which meant I was odd by association. (I am a little "different."  No denying that!).  Which meant I was teased and bullied through most of my school years.  But I found my circle of other "misfits" and together we loved and supported each other through.  (And we never once thought about grabbing a gun and shooting up the school or killing our classmates - even though most of us grew up with guns.  Rural community with lots of hunters and all that!)

Being bullied and laughed at can make you shy.  It used to be I would rather die than have to talk in front of people.  Today I stand on stage and speak what's on my mind and in my heart and don't even think about it.

I've had some "stuff" in my life.  Lots that I didn't even mention here.  And I could use that as an excuse.  I was bullied.  I was teased and ostracized. I didn't have a stable home.  I was poor.  I had cancer.  I didn't get to finish college.  Blah, blah, blah...  And all of it served to bring me to right where I am today.  Right where I am supposed to be.  Doing exactly what I was meant to do.  I have 61 years of experiences that have taught me much about life, about business, about people.  They have made me stronger, more resilient, more creative, more accepting, more confident, and more faithful.  When you work with me, you get the benefit of all that.  I know what I bring to the table!

So why am I telling you all this?  Because I hear this all the time.  "I'm shy.  I was poor.  I don't understand technology.  I have health problems. I'm a single parent.  I could never do what you do."  And I am not discounting any of that by any means.  But what I am saying is that all of these things - good and bad - make you unique.  And that makes you uniquely qualified to help someone else.  Your experiences can make you or break you.  The beauty is you get to choose! 

So what will it be?  I know what I bring to the table.  Don't make me eat alone!