You Are Not a Fraud

You're on stage, ready to give a speech when suddenly you see one of the big names in your field in the audience. He's looking right at you and you know what he's thinking. The same thing you are thinking. You don't belong here. You haven't done anything to deserve this. You are a fraud.

Or you're nominated for an award. When the local news media reach out to you for an interview, you decline saying it's really not a big deal. You didn't do anything special. You are afraid to give the interview because you know if you do, everyone will see what you have always known. You don't deserve this...or any other...award. You are a fraud.

If you can relate to these stories, or similar situations, the truth is crystal clear. You are not a fraud. You suffer from a condition. One that affects a multitude of others as well.

It's called Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is a condition that frequently affects high-achieving people and convinces them that they are unworthy of their success. This false belief can stem from many places including a feeling that you don’t belong, an overly critical upbringing, past trauma, and even your own inner voice.

Some people use imposter syndrome to push themselves to achieve even more. In these situations, you might use your fear as motivation.

You tell yourself that you have to succeed because you don’t want anyone to know the truth about you. But as soon as you accomplish one thing, you immediately begin focusing on the next one. This creates a cycle where you’re forever pursuing bigger and more complicated goals.

For others, the fear that comes with imposter syndrome breeds procrastination. You fear that you’ll do the project wrong and everyone will realize that you never were that competent to start with.

So instead of completing the project, you keep putting it off. Once the project has reached critical status, then you’ll get it done. This can be a defense mechanism as you can tell yourself that you’d do a better job if you’d only had more time.

When Are You Most Likely to Experience Imposter Syndrome?

You can experience imposter syndrome at any point in your life or career. However, there can be certain times that you’re more likely to experience it than others. These include new situations such as starting your graduate program, going after the promotion you really want, or a shifting romantic relationship.

I experienced imposter syndrome after an unexpected promotion into management. The previous manager left after only 4 months on the job. So, I was promoted.

Despite the fact that I had already been handling most of the workload for my former boss, I still felt underprepared for the task of leading my co-workers. It wasn’t until a colleague encouraged me that I began to realize I was viewing myself differently than those around me did.

The truth is that imposter syndrome often leads you to live in your head where your self-perception can become warped. Like a fun house mirror distorts your vision, you don’t see your own abilities and accomplishments accurately.

How Does Imposter Syndrome Affect Relationships?

When many people think of imposter syndrome, their first thought is of their career or academic accomplishments. But what you may not realize is that imposter syndrome can affect your relationships as well.

I was bullied throughout middle school and high school. As I got older, I found a core group of friends who loved on me and were fiercely supportive of me. But despite this, I often found myself going along with whatever the group wanted me to do.

I was afraid that their acceptance was dependent on my performance. In my mind, I had to be easygoing and not make waves in order to be considered a good friend. I didn’t realize that my friends loved me just for who I was.

It’s not just friendships that are affected. Your romantic relationships can also be influenced if you have imposter syndrome. You might feel that you constantly have to achieve to be worthy of your spouse’s attention or that you need to “do your part” in order to have your partner stay with you.

Why Are You Experiencing Imposter Syndrome?

There are many reasons that someone might experience imposter syndrome in their personal or professional life. It could be due to low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness.

For others, it’s linked to family expectations. In these situations, your family may have quietly sent you the message that it’s not who you are that matters. It’s what you do. As a result, you feel the need to achieve in order to get the validation and love that you want.

Still, it can also be linked to what you believe is your core identity. You might believe that you have to be “the responsible one” or “the smart one”. You work hard to maintain that image in front of others for fear that you’ll lose your identity if you stop performing.

What Should You Know about Imposter Syndrome?

If there’s one important message that you need to hear in the middle of imposter syndrome, it’s this: you are not alone. Many of the smart, talented, and successful people around you also experience the same fears, insecurities, and doubts as you do.

There are a host of successful celebrities, entrepreneurs, authors, and leaders that have openly admitted to struggling with imposter syndrome. Some of these include names you may already be familiar with such as Maya Angelou, Neil Gaiman, Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, and Emma Watson.

Even with all of their success, these celebrities and successful leaders find themselves worried that they’re not all that good or talented. They think their success was a fluke or simply the result of good luck.

Yet if you’ve ever watched a Tom Hanks or Emma Watson film, you’d be quick to point out their talent. If you listened to Maya Angelou or Michelle Obama, you’d be impressed by their accomplishments.

Should You Let Imposter Syndrome Stop You?

The world is filled with people who never sing the songs in their heart, never write the books they want to, or speak out about the issues they truly care about. When the moment comes to step up, they look around and ask, “Who? Me? I’m not qualified enough.”

Then they convince themselves that they’ll be worthy or ready after more. More achievements. More schooling. More accomplishments. More, more, more.

But the world needs you now. It needs your voice. It needs the songs you want to sing or the books you want to write or the paintings you want to create. It needs you to rise up. Because you are here for a purpose. You were made to dream and dance and laugh and lead. The story of your life matters.

It’s time to overcome imposter syndrome once and for all. It’s time to stop letting this self-doubt hold you back and step into the beautiful, brave woman you’re meant to be.