It's Time to Take Radical Responsibility for Your Communication Style

While you may not realize it, the way you communicate affects every area of your life. From your job and your career to your family relationships and friendships, communication is something you’re constantly doing.

We are seeing some examples of this play out right now. In the midst of a global pandemic, we are being warned to stay home. We are being told it could be bad. Some are communicating this in a way that inspires us to come together for the sake of others. Some are frightening us. And some are being downright divisive. All are saying the same thing. But some inspire confidence and calm while others sow fear and panic.

We are also seeing it in the online marketing world. Most of us are still marketing our businesses. Some are doing it very successfully. They have found a way to make the value they offer pertinent to the current situation. They are making people feel like they have a real solution to whatever problem their prospects are experiencing. Others just appear as if they are trying to capitalize on the fear and panic. And still others appear totally oblivious to the fact that we are in the midst of a worldwide crisis.  

Many people aren’t good at communicating. That’s because they’re using bad communication traits without even realizing it.

There are five basic communication approaches and understanding them can be incredibly helpful when it comes to improving your communication. Here’s what you need to know about these styles…

The Aggressive Communicator

Aggressive communicators often come across as explosive, belligerent, abrasive, and demanding. Sometimes co-workers and families even label this person as a “bully”, “bulldozer” or “tyrant”. These terms can be deeply hurtful and can make it even harder for an aggressive communicator to acknowledge the issue.

Communicators who rely on aggression may invade other people’s space, talk over them, and speak loudly, even shouting or yelling.

While the aggressive communicator is definitely heard, they’re rarely listened to. That’s because family members, friends, and co-workers often lose respect for the aggressor.

The Passive Communicator

Passive communicators (sometimes called submissive communicators) rely on others to guess what they want or need. Then when those around them fail to do this correctly, they become irritated and bitter. Sometimes, co-workers and families label this person as a “martyr” or “victim”.

Communicators who rely on passiveness often defer to others. They won’t state what they want directly. They might even say things like, “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll go along with whatever you want to do. You choose—I don’t have a preference.”

While passive communicators might appear to be pleasant and easy-going, they’re usually seething under the surface. Years of unfulfilled needs have left them angry and frustrated.

The Passive Aggressive Communicator

Passive aggressive communicators are two-faced. They will say one thing then do the exact opposite once they’re alone. Often, passive-aggressive communicators feel they have no real power in a situation, so their behavior is an attempt to lash out and “punish” the person they feel is in control. Sometimes, they even do this to the detriment of their own careers and relationships.

Like passive communicators, passive aggressive ones seem good-natured and agreeable on the surface. But they’re usually working behind-the-scenes to unravel the goals and plans of those around them.

The Manipulative Communicator

Manipulative communicators are focused on getting what they want—regardless of the cost to anyone else. They often use sarcasm, fake tears, sulking, guilting others, and the silent treatment when communicating.

They are similar to passive-aggressive communicators. But the biggest difference is that manipulative communicators are less likely to engage in self-destructive actions. Instead, they merely wait for the right opportunity and time to make their move and achieve their end game.

The Assertive Communicator

Assertive communicators confidently own their needs. They lovingly set boundaries and don’t allow others to run over them. At the same time, they respect the boundaries of those around them and actively look for win-win scenarios in their relationships.

They are excellent communicators who focus on the issue at hand, rather than attacking the other person. They state what they want, while staying open to the possibility that their need may not be met.

But I'm Different With My Business Communication

Perhaps you may think you are. And it may not be as obvious to you because it is business and not as personal. But most often, your natural style of communication will show up, even in your business. Are you bullying people into joining your team? When a customer makes unreasonable demands, do you quietly acquiesce? Do you make promises to prospects that you know won't be kept? Do you play on a person's guilt or fear to make a sale?

Your communication style comes through even in the smallest bits of communication. With more focus being placed on building relationships with prospects and clients, it's critical that you determine which style of communication you are using, whether it suits your needs, and how to change if necessary. 

What Style of Communication Do You Use?

Reviewing the five styles of communication can open your eyes to some uncomfortable truths. You may realize you’ve been using a communication style that isn’t creating what you want in your relationships or your business.

But keep in mind that the purpose of learning your communication style isn’t to beat yourself up for your failures or flaws. Rather, the goal here is to learn how to embrace a healthier communication style.

You may find it helpful to reach out to a mentor or supportive friend that can hold you accountable as you learn to embrace assertive communication. They can give you feedback and help you navigate this change.

Above all, it’s important that you’re patient with yourself. If you’re like most people, you’ve used the same communication style for decades and it’s easy to slip back into old habits. If you find that happening, give yourself grace and focus on beginning again.