It's Time to Take Radical Responsibility for Your Communication Style

While you may not realize it, the way you communicate affects every area of your life. From your job and your career to your family relationships and friendships, communication is something you’re constantly doing.

We are seeing some examples of this play out right now. In the midst of a global pandemic, we are being warned to stay home. We are being told it could be bad. Some are communicating this in a way that inspires us to come together for the sake of others. Some are frightening us. And some are being downright divisive. All are saying the same thing. But some inspire confidence and calm while others sow fear and panic.

We are also seeing it in the online marketing world. Most of us are still marketing our businesses. Some are doing it very successfully. They have found a way to make the value they offer pertinent to the current situation. They are making people feel like they have a real solution to whatever problem their prospects are experiencing. Others just appear as if they are trying to capitalize on the fear and panic. And still others appear totally oblivious to the fact that we are in the midst of a worldwide crisis.  

Many people aren’t good at communicating. That’s because they’re using bad communication traits without even realizing it.

There are five basic communication approaches and understanding them can be incredibly helpful when it comes to improving your communication. Here’s what you need to know about these styles…

The Aggressive Communicator

Aggressive communicators often come across as explosive, belligerent, abrasive, and demanding. Sometimes co-workers and families even label this person as a “bully”, “bulldozer” or “tyrant”. These terms can be deeply hurtful and can make it even harder for an aggressive communicator to acknowledge the issue.

Communicators who rely on aggression may invade other people’s space, talk over them, and speak loudly, even shouting or yelling.

While the aggressive communicator is definitely heard, they’re rarely listened to. That’s because family members, friends, and co-workers often lose respect for the aggressor.

The Passive Communicator

Passive communicators (sometimes called submissive communicators) rely on others to guess what they want or need. Then when those around them fail to do this correctly, they become irritated and bitter. Sometimes, co-workers and families label this person as a “martyr” or “victim”.

Communicators who rely on passiveness often defer to others. They won’t state what they want directly. They might even say things like, “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll go along with whatever you want to do. You choose—I don’t have a preference.”

While passive communicators might appear to be pleasant and easy-going, they’re usually seething under the surface. Years of unfulfilled needs have left them angry and frustrated.

The Passive Aggressive Communicator

Passive aggressive communicators are two-faced. They will say one thing then do the exact opposite once they’re alone. Often, passive-aggressive communicators feel they have no real power in a situation, so their behavior is an attempt to lash out and “punish” the person they feel is in control. Sometimes, they even do this to the detriment of their own careers and relationships.

Like passive communicators, passive aggressive ones seem good-natured and agreeable on the surface. But they’re usually working behind-the-scenes to unravel the goals and plans of those around them.

The Manipulative Communicator

Manipulative communicators are focused on getting what they want—regardless of the cost to anyone else. They often use sarcasm, fake tears, sulking, guilting others, and the silent treatment when communicating.

They are similar to passive-aggressive communicators. But the biggest difference is that manipulative communicators are less likely to engage in self-destructive actions. Instead, they merely wait for the right opportunity and time to make their move and achieve their end game.

The Assertive Communicator

Assertive communicators confidently own their needs. They lovingly set boundaries and don’t allow others to run over them. At the same time, they respect the boundaries of those around them and actively look for win-win scenarios in their relationships.

They are excellent communicators who focus on the issue at hand, rather than attacking the other person. They state what they want, while staying open to the possibility that their need may not be met.

But I'm Different With My Business Communication

Perhaps you may think you are. And it may not be as obvious to you because it is business and not as personal. But most often, your natural style of communication will show up, even in your business. Are you bullying people into joining your team? When a customer makes unreasonable demands, do you quietly acquiesce? Do you make promises to prospects that you know won't be kept? Do you play on a person's guilt or fear to make a sale?

Your communication style comes through even in the smallest bits of communication. With more focus being placed on building relationships with prospects and clients, it's critical that you determine which style of communication you are using, whether it suits your needs, and how to change if necessary. 

What Style of Communication Do You Use?

Reviewing the five styles of communication can open your eyes to some uncomfortable truths. You may realize you’ve been using a communication style that isn’t creating what you want in your relationships or your business.

But keep in mind that the purpose of learning your communication style isn’t to beat yourself up for your failures or flaws. Rather, the goal here is to learn how to embrace a healthier communication style.

You may find it helpful to reach out to a mentor or supportive friend that can hold you accountable as you learn to embrace assertive communication. They can give you feedback and help you navigate this change.

Above all, it’s important that you’re patient with yourself. If you’re like most people, you’ve used the same communication style for decades and it’s easy to slip back into old habits. If you find that happening, give yourself grace and focus on beginning again.

The Secret Of Effective Business Communication

Effective communication is one of the key factors in a successful business. If you cannot effectively promote your business to your clients, how will you keep your business growing?

As an entrepreneur, your business depends on your ability to sell your product or services. You need to be able to convince prospects that your product is the right one for them and that you are the best person to do business with.

Promoting your business involves both verbal and written communication. You must be able to do both well in order to be successful. Fortunately, there are a few rules for each that will help you become a better communicator.

1.  Be clear and concise.  In business, it is critical to be able to communicate your ideas quickly and clearly.  You may have the most brilliant idea, one-of-a kind service, or valuable product on the market today, but if you cannot make me understand that, your idea, service, or product is useless.

2.  Proper pronunciation, grammar, spelling, and punctuation are vital.  There are many books and classes available that teach these basics.  I don't have a particular favorite.  At the risk of betraying my age, I went to school when grammar, punctuation, and penmanship were still taught in elementary school.  I have seen several books on these subjects at the local Barnes & Noble, however, and most of them seemed likely to be effective.  If someone has a resource to recommend, please feel free to post it in the comments.

3.  Improve your vocabulary.  You don't need to memorize the dictionary.  But you do need to have a large enough vocabulary to always have the right word at your disposal.  When I was 13, my grandmother gave me a subscription to Reader's Digest for my birthday.  Believe it or not, I was thrilled.  This magazine held a wealth of treasures for me, including a feature called "It Pays to Increase Your Word Power."  Each issue came with 20 words, their definitions, and an example of their usage in a sentence.  It was an easy way to increase my vocabulary by 20 words each month.

4.  Be consistent.   Once you have perfected your message, make sure you tell it consistently in your e-mails, on your website, in print materials, on social media, and in any advertising and marketing.
Nothing is more confusing to prospects than hearing differing messages from the same business. They don't know which to believe.  Be sure your clients know who you are and what you stand for with every interaction. 

5.  Learn to listen.  Good listening is a skill.  Concentrate on the speaker's message and keep an open mind to others' ideas.  Indicate you understand what the speaker said by repeating/rephrasing key points: "Let me be sure I understand correctly. What you are saying is...."

So what is the "secret" to effective communication in business?  Where do you go to learn to put all of the basic skills together into an effective package?  The same place I did - Felicia Slattery.  Felicia is a communication consultant, speaker, and coach specializing in training busy professionals to succeed by communicating effectively with clients and prospects.  You've seen her mentioned in many of my blog posts as one of the people whose opinions and input I value and trust.  If you really want to learn how to get your message across, she is the one person who can help you. 

Learn to speak and write clearly and concisely.  Practice the skills necessary to communicate with ease and confidence.  Who knows what might happen?

From Flower Girl to Duchess Through the Power of Communication

"One day I'll be famous, I'll be proper and prim. Go to St. James so often, I will call it St. Jim..."

May 20th was Eliza Doolittle Day, and yes, theater buff that I am, I'm still singing some of my favorite songs from "My Fair Lady" three days later.  If you are not familiar with it, it's a musical about rather snobbish phonetics professor, Henry Higgins, who wagers that he can take a cockney flower girl, Eliza Doolittle, and pass her off as a member of high society by teaching her to speak properly. 

I know that you would love to hear about our Eliza Doolittle Day celebration or perhaps more about the musical.  And I would love to share all that with you.  But that is not my purpose here.  What inspired this post was the discussion we had at our little get-together.  In the movie, Henry Higgins turns Eliza Doolittle into a woman able to pass herself off as a duchess by helping her learn to speak proper English.  Our discussion concerned whether people are still judged today by the way they speak.  And that led to a discussion of the importance of good communication skills, including proper grammar - and to a consensus that since these are no longer taught in school, it's important to learn them elsewhere.

In business, it is critical to be able to communicate your ideas quickly and clearly.  You may have the most brilliant idea, one-of-a kind service, or valuable product on the market today, but if you cannot make me understand that, your idea, service, or product is useless.

Communicating effectively requires many different skills.  Proper pronunciation, grammar, spelling, and punctuation are vital.  There are many books and classes available that teach these basics.  I don't have a particular favorite.  At the risk of betraying my age, I went to school when grammar, punctuation, and penmanship were still taught in elementary school.  I have seen several books on these subjects at the local Barnes & Noble, however, and most of them seemed likely to be effective.  If someone has a resource to recommend, please feel free to post it in the comments.

Another crucial factor in effective communication is vocabulary.  You don't need to memorize the dictionary.  But you do need to have a large enough vocabulary to always have the right word at your disposal.  When I was 13, my grandmother gave me a subscription to Reader's Digest for my birthday.  Believe it or not, I was thrilled.  This magazine held a wealth of treasures for me, including a feature called "It Pays to Increase Your Word Power."  Each issue came with 20 words, their definitions, and an example of their usage in a sentence.  It was an easy way to increase my vocabulary by 20 words each month.  Reader's Digest still carries this feature and they have an online version on their website.

Perfect grammar, extensive vocabulary, proper pronunciation - is that everything?  No.  Unfortunately, you can have all of this and still not be able to get your point across.  Fortunately, this is also a skill that can be learned.  And I happen to know the only person I would recommend to teach you.

Before I continue, in keeping with all of the current laws, I must state that I am an affiliate for the products I am about to recommend, and the link is an affiliate link.  And now that we have that out of the way, let me also state that the only reason I am an affiliate is because I can make this recommendation with no hesitation at all.  So where do you go to learn to put all of the basic skills together into an effective package?  Felicia Slattery's Communication Transformation.  Felicia is a communication consultant, speaker, and coach specializing in training busy professionals to succeed by communicating effectively with clients and prospects.  You've seen her mentioned in many of my blog posts as one of the people whose opinions and input I value and trust.  If you really want to learn how to get your message across, she is the one person who can help you. 

Learn to speak and write clearly and concisely.  Practice the skills necessary to communicate with ease and confidence.  Who knows what might happen?

"One evening the King will say, Oh Liza old thing.  I want all of England your praises to sing.  Next week on the 20th of May, I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day."