How Speaking Can Grow Your Business

Through my former life as an event planner, I have gotten to know quite a few speakers.  Several of them have become close friends.  One of them even became my coach.  I'll tell you more about her later.  

As I spent more and more time in that community, I discovered that many of them were terrified of public speaking when they started.  Just like me!  So why do it?  I was curious.  I couldn't imagine anything in the world that would get me up in front of a room full of people.  All of them gave me the same answer.  They used speaking to grow their business.  Again, curious, I asked how.  Here are the four key benefits of speaking they shared…

Speaking = Respect

The wonderful thing about speaking to a group is that you have the opportunity to meet your audience in person. Meeting people in person has greater impact than meeting them online.

Even better, the impact of a first meeting is multiplied when people meet you as a speaker at an event they are attending. That’s because most people have a natural respect for speakers. It's powerful social proof that you're smart and have value to share.

Speaking = Authority

When you’re speaking at an event, it gives you instant authority. People are more likely to trust you and take action when you make a suggestion. That’s because they believe you’re a credible source since you’re a speaker.

Speaking = Boosted Visibility

One of the best benefits from speaking is the boosted visibility. Not only will the people attending the conference or event have a chance to see you, so will others even if they never attend. That’s because the event organizer will have handouts, flyers, and other promotional material that they share online and offline. So even if someone doesn’t show up, they may still hear your name and remember you as the expert from that conference.

Another reason that speaking boosts your visibility is because you have the audience’s undivided attention for a few minutes. When people watch your videos online or join into your live stream, they’re usually multi-tasking at the same time. That means you’re not getting their full attention and they’re less likely to act on your advice. But when you speak, you have the full attention of the room.

Speaking = Industry Contacts

The more you speak, the more you’ll get a chance to meet other speakers and event coordinators. As you begin to make friends, your own circle of influence and impact will grow.

Some business owners have made life-changing contacts by simply getting to know other event leaders, topic experts, and speakers. If you see someone you might enjoy connecting with, don’t be afraid to go up and say, “Hello!” You never know where the encounter may lead!

If you're looking to sell products or be hired, making connections through speaking opportunities can't be beat. It’s the best way to position yourself as an expert and get your business out there.

 

Which is why I did what most of them did.  I hired a speaking coach and got busy perfecting my skills.  Her name is Felicia Slattery and I highly recommend her if you want to add speaking to your list of marketing skills.

We Are Family! Meet Ken Kinstle!

Many of you know that my husband and I ride. Bikes. Motorcycles that is. Harleys to be exact. We love the freedom of hitting the open road and just being. It's a wonderful feeling. One of the other benefits of being a "biker" is that you have family wherever you go. We are all part of one big community of people who value freedom to live life on our terms. So it's no surprise that this month's Success Story and I hit it off almost immediately. He's a fellow biker!  Meet the newest member of MY biker family - AND co-founder of our new venture Bikerpreneurs - Ken Kinstle!

1. Ken, tell us a little about yourself.

I am a business owner, and entrepreneur. I am the founder of Wellness and Wealth Builders. I am always working to help others with their personal wellness or building their legacy income. You will find me sometimes in the lead or sometimes in the group serving and learning how to serve better. Always helping others create new ways to wellness and success and having fun doing it.

2. Tell us about your business.

Welcome to a whole new world of opportunity, rewards and satisfaction! Our goal at Wellness and Wealth Builders is to help people everywhere achieve greater wellness – both in their physical lives as well as their financial ones. As a pioneering global company, we’ve created a unique opportunity where individuals like you can benefit financially by simply sharing this vision and mission with others.

3. Why did you start your own business?

To build a legacy and a legacy income for my family in the future. I am a serial entrepreneur..lol. I have been since I was a child!

4. How did you choose this particular niche?

I am in three niches now. The wellness niche presented itself to me in 2006 and it was a business decision that started me there. Crypto was added because I have fallen in love with digital currency. I love numbers and the blockchain model and its derivatives are fascinating to me. And travel because I love the ocean and love to travel!

5. What do you like most and least about being your own boss?

It's ironic that you ask this question. What I like best?  Time freedom! So much so, that I recently closed down my brick and mortar businesses because of what I like least - the ridiculously long hours and low rewards.

6. What personality traits and skills are needed to run a business?

All you really need are persistence and patience. All the other skills necessary can be learned.

7. What has been the most difficult part of being an entrepreneur?

Patience, lol! I still struggle with that one!

8. Do you have any resources that you have used to build your business that you would recommend?

Two things that you almost never find on the "recommended resources list". Successful mentors. People who are where you want to be and are willing to help you get there. And a mastermind group. Think of it as a study group like you had in high school or college. Both of these are critical for ANY DEGREE of success.

9. Do you have any tips to share on promoting yourself?

Be transparent and honest… engage with people!

10. What other advice would like to share with someone starting their own business?

Find your passion and pour yourself into it. I know that may sound trite but it's true. You have to be passionate about what you are doing or odds are you will quit at the first bump in the road.
11. How can we contact you to learn more about your products and services?

Website- http://kenkinstle.com/

Facebook Profile- https://www.facebook.com/mrken777

Facebook Page- https://www.facebook.com/wellnessandwealthbuilders/

Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/user/mrken777

Twitter- https://twitter.com/mrken777

LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/kenkinstle/


12. Is there anything else you would like to share?

I am honored to be a part of helping others build their legacy and legacy income. I strive to help people and add value wherever I can as this is the key to being successful. You indeed reap what you sow!

“Keep the sun on your neck and the wind at your back and ride until the sun goes down.”​
 
 

5 Smart Self-Esteem Builders

It’s easy to talk about rebuilding your self-esteem. But it’s hard to know where to start. There are so many suggestions and ideas out there already. What’s the first thing you should do? How about trying one of these exercises…

Argue with Your Inner Critic

The mean girl in your head is hard to live with. Instead of accepting everything she says as truth, start jotting down what she tells you. Spend a few days collecting these notes and it won’t be long before you have a few.

When you’re in a good head space, pull out these thoughts. Then write what’s really true beneath them. For example, the inner critic might say: “You’re so stupid!” You could write something like: “I taught myself how to install a new floor from YouTube tutorials!”

If you have trouble with this exercise, ask a friend who’s supportive to join you. She may have more insights that will help you see yourself clearly.

Stop Comparing Yourself

Comparison steals your joy and your confidence. It’s not healthy to continually compare yourself to your friends, celebrities in the media, or even your past performance. You are enough right now. Remind yourself of this truth whenever you get caught up in the comparison trap.

Limit Your Time

Think about each person in your life. When you’ve finished a conversation on the phone or left a get-together with them, ponder how you feel afterwards.

Are you encouraged and energized? Are you pumped up and ready to face a new challenge? Or do you feel hopeless and blah? Are you questioning your life choices? Or doubting that you can improve your family/home/career/etc?

It’s not our friends’ jobs to make us feel upbeat all the time. But if you notice you always feel worse after talking to a particular family member or friend, try to limit your time together. You’ll be happier for it and your self-esteem will grow, too.

Make Time for What You Love

One of the best ways to improve your self-image is to do more of what makes you happy. Make a list of activities that feed your soul and make it a priority to do one thing from this list each day.

Tackle a New Challenge

Although it can be difficult, tackling a new challenge is a wonderful way to boost your self-esteem. You don’t have to dare yourself to climb Mt. Everest tomorrow but what if you tried the local rock-climbing wall?

You don’t have to learn how to code a website from scratch but what if you tried posting to Blogger? Creating a series of small challenges and getting them done can inspire you and be a reminder of just how awesome you are.

Building your self-esteem is a process. You won’t get it done in an hour or even in a day. That’s because you’re re-writing how you view yourself. There will be ups and downs on your journey toward better self-esteem but don’t give up. You can do this and you’ll be happier for it!

Reclaiming Self-Esteem After Trauma and Loss

Trauma and loss can have a profound effect on your self-esteem. Trauma can transform even the most vibrant, out-going person into a shell of her former self. If you’ve been through trauma, you might experience symptoms and signs like:

·         Being easily startled

·         Worrying about losing someone you love

·         Finding it difficult to trust others

·         Experiencing depression or anxiety

·         Developing nightmares or insomnia

·         Feeling unsafe even when you’re in familiar places

These symptoms can affect your self-esteem, causing you to view yourself as “weak”, “scared”, or “powerless”. But you don’t have to suffer…there are ways to recover from your trauma that can help you strengthen your self-esteem.

Find Compassionate Witnesses

A compassionate witness is someone who can sit with you through the difficulty of trauma and listen to your emotions. This might be a professional like a licensed counselor or therapist. But it could also be a good friend who’s familiar with trauma or a loving partner who’s willing to wade into your deep emotions.

The important thing when looking for someone to walk with you is to choose a person that you feel comfortable around. If you don’t feel safe, you’ll have trouble opening up and talking about what you went through.

Focus on What You Did Right

Many trauma and loss survivors become fixated on what they should have done. For example, a woman who became paralyzed in a car accident may believe that she should have left earlier in the day or chosen a different route. But this approach keeps you rooted in the trauma, forcing you to relive it.

Instead, look at what you did right—you survived. Maybe that doesn’t feel like a huge victory today. Instead, it feels like a cosmic mistake. That’s guilt talking and it’s perfectly normal to experience this emotion after any type of loss. But just because that’s how you feel doesn’t mean it’s true. You’re still here and you did the best you could in the middle of a horrible situation.

Forgive Yourself

Blaming yourself is an understandable reaction after trauma. For example, if you were assaulted while you were jogging one evening, you may blame yourself for being out alone or not having a way to defend yourself.

But that’s the thing about trauma—there’s no way to predict it. No one plans to be assaulted, have their home burn to the ground, or live through a natural disaster. These are terrible circumstances that can happen to anyone…regardless of what they do or don’t do.

Of course, it’s important to understand that forgiving yourself is seldom a one-time act. As you work through and process your trauma, you’ll most likely need to free yourself from blame again and again.

Find Healthy Outlets

Few things are harder (or more brave!) than coming to terms with trauma and loss. But it’s also exhausting and overwhelming work. That’s why it’s important that you have healthy outlets to express your feelings.

Often, art is a wonderful way to process your journey. You could try: drawing, painting, embroidery, journaling, pottery, writing fiction, calligraphy, knitting, cross-stitch, crocheting, sculpting, or rubber stamping.

Rebuilding your self-esteem after trauma and loss is difficult. You’ll take one step forward and feel like you took three steps backwards the next day. This is normal and part of your progress. Don’t give up on your journey to recovery. You’re still worth fighting for!

What Does Healthy Self-Esteem Look Like?

Dealing with low self-esteem can feel challenging. But there are many people who have learned to change how they view themselves. It does take work and time but you can develop healthy self-esteem. Here are three women - one of them, me! - who did just that…

I Had to Learn to Say “No”

In school, I was smart.  Not popular, but smart.  In fact I was ostracized and bullied much of my school life.  Which meant no one really wanted to be my friend - until it came time to partner up for projects.  Science projects.  History projects.  Didn't matter.  When it was time for the next one, EVERYONE wanted to be my partner.  Why?  Because they were assured of a good grade.  And they knew they wouldn't have to do any work.

  

I would regularly take on the whole project by myself, which often meant I took on more work than I could handle alone. And this habit continued into college and even into the beginnings of my military career.  No one worried when it was our section's turn to clean the watch center.  They all knew I would do most of it and not say anything.

 

Finally I realized that I was chronically tired.  I reached out to the base chaplain, hoping to vent a little.  Fortunately, the chaplain was also a trained counselor.  And what he helped me discover shocked me. 

I realized I was saying ‘yes’ to everyone in the hopes that they would like me because I was battling low self-esteem.  As I began to learn to like myself, I discovered that in the military I was respected for my competency.  It helped me develop a positive self image.  And I learned that outside my small town where my family was looked down on (wrong side of the tracks and all), no one knew or cared that I had grown up poor.  They only cared that I could be counted on when needed.  And that I could do my job and do it well.  That's when I realized I could say ‘no’ to others without guilt or fear.  Because I liked who I saw in the mirror.  And there were people who liked and respected me for who I was, not for what I could do for them.

Tishia Lee Accepted Herself

Tishia, from Shining Self, has struggled with her self-esteem since she was little. She says, “I grew up with so much negative feedback about who I was. I was told I was too fat, that I’d never amount to anything, that I could be pretty if I’d only lose weight.”

She spent years believing these lies and battling a negative self-image. But things started to change for her recently.

“When I moved to the West Coast, I found an amazing community of body positivity people and health-at-every-size advocates. All of a sudden I was given permission to be me. I realized I didn't have to lose weight, diet, or do things others (including the media) had fed into my beliefs.”

As soon as she gave up dieting and accepted her body, Tishia found a confidence and self-esteem within her that she didn’t know existed. She says, “To me, healthy self-esteem means being confident and comfortable in my own skin, knowing my value and worth. Now I’m confident in my abilities and I’m OK with all of it regardless of whether other people like or approve of me.”

Sandra Went From Resisting Change to Embracing It

My friend Sandra was a watch officer who feared failing at anything.  As a result, she was rigid and wasn’t open to new ways of doing things.  She resisted even the smallest of changes.

It wasn’t until our lieutenant challenged her to try one thing a week that Sandra realized how much control fear had over her. With the help of that same chaplain that helped me, Sandra traced the cause back to her alcoholic parents.  She fought to say in control as a kid because it meant safety.

 

We went our separate ways shortly after and eventually lost touch with each other.  But through the wonders of the Internet, we recently reconnected!  I learned that Sandra retired shortly after I did.  Now she travels all over the world, housesitting and pet sitting for people when they travel.  "I’m an adult now," she told me, "and I’m not the same little girl. When I saw that, I was set free. I view myself differently now. I’m excited by new opportunities and new changes. I can’t wait to see what each new day brings!”

 

Changing your view of yourself isn’t an overnight process.  There will be hard days and setbacks but keep moving forward.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes and embrace the beautiful now.

Why Do You Struggle with Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem can occur at any time or age even if you’ve had a relatively good life. However, there are some circumstances that make you more likely to develop low self-esteem.  Here are a few of the most common causes…

Comparison

Some people develop low self-esteem because they’re constantly comparing themselves to others.  Maybe you look at the woman who has your dream business and think you’ll never be like her.  Perhaps you envy a friend who seems to have a wonderful marriage and beautiful children.

You may even compare yourself to people you don’t know.  For example, envying a supermodel in a magazine. Even though you know she’s been airbrushed to perfection, you might still feel inferior.

Dysfunctional Home

Sometimes, low self-esteem begins in childhood due to difficulties in your home life. Perhaps a parent was chronically ill and unable to provide for you and your siblings.  Maybe you witnessed domestic violence between your parents.

When children don’t get their needs met in childhood, they turn inwards.  Many blame themselves even if they don’t realize it.  For example, if your parents divorced after you accidentally slipped up about dad’s affair, then you might think you were the reason your parents separated.

Trauma & Abuse

Another common reason for low self-esteem is becoming a victim of trauma.  You may have survived physical, emotional, or sexual violence. Often, becoming a victim of a violent crime leads a person to believe they are worthless, deserving of punishment, or unlovable.  These false beliefs create low self-esteem that can follow you for decades.

Like trauma victims, abuse survivors may struggle with low self-esteem.  Abuse can be more difficult to heal from since the wounds were often on-going over the course of months or even years.  Additionally, abusers often tell their victims that the abuse is their fault, that they deserve to be hurt, or that they need to be punished.

Religious Beliefs

Depending on your religious beliefs, you may have been told that you are “bad” or that you are “going to hell” if you do certain activities.  Many religions draw a line in the sand and if you cross that line, you are then cut off from other members of your family or community.

This type of belief system can lead you to believe that your behavior determines your identity.  That’s fine if your behavior falls into what’s expected and acceptable within your religion.  But if it doesn’t—if you violate these beliefs—you may see yourself as damaged, tainted, or unredeemable.

 
Now that you know the different causes of low self-esteem, you may recognize yourself in some of these examples. But the good news is that understanding where your low self-esteem is coming from is an important first step in healing it.

Defining Low Self-Esteem

So why am I preparing to do an entire series of posts on self-esteem?  Isn't this a business blog?  Yes, it is.  Which is EXACTLY why I'm doing this series!

Low self-esteem can cause you to self-sabotage your business, even if you aren't consciously aware that you are doing it.

But what is low self-esteem?  I mean don't we all beat ourselves up once in a while?  Well, self-esteem is the way you view yourself.  People with a healthy self-esteem can see both their flaws and their good qualities.  They know they are not perfect but they’re also aware of all the good things they bring into the world simply by being themselves.

But low self-esteem is different.  People with low self-esteem see a flawed version of themselves.  Instead of seeing anything positive, you only focus on the negative and feel badly about who you are.  If you’re not sure if you struggle with low self-esteem, here are a few common signs of it…

Sign #1: You Feel Shame

Shame is the belief that deep down, you’re bad, unlovable, or worthless.  It often convinces you to hide.  The way you “hide” may be different depending on your personality. Sometimes, it involves your body language by hunching your shoulders, walking with your head down, or not meeting the gaze of another person when you’re in conversation.

For some people, shame shows up in other ways—overcompensating in one area of your life, trying not to draw attention to how you look, or over-apologizing for things that clearly aren’t your fault.

Sign #2: You Fear Failure

When you struggle with low self-esteem, it’s easy to believe that what you do is who you are.  This creates tremendous pressure to do everything right.  As a result, you’re not willing to try new things or experiment for fear you’ll mess up and become a failure.

Fear of failure may show up in one area of your life but not another.  For example, you may be the best sales person in your division at work but in private, you struggle to write that book you’ve been dreaming of for fear that it won’t be amazing.

Sign #3: You Keep Saying Yes

Yes can be a wonderful word—when you say it and truly mean it.  But for many people with low self-esteem, they say “yes” to opportunities and events that aren’t a good fit for their skills or interests.

Some of this stems from a desire to get other people to like you.  You might think if others like you, their approval will rub off on you and you’ll feel good about yourself.  While that might work temporarily, you’re always looking for the next shot of approval and saying “yes” feels like the only way to get it.

Sign #4: You Won’t Own Your Success

People with low self-esteem struggle to believe they deserve success.  When they are praised or their work is acknowledged, they’re quick to downplay it.  For example, you might say, “Jenny handled most of the work. I just came along at the end and put a finishing touch on it.”

Another way you might do this is to call your success “luck” or tell others that you were simply in the right place at the right time.  You may also struggle to accept compliments, dismiss kind words as someone being nice, or tell yourself that others are just trying to make you feel better.

 

Like a funhouse mirror distorts your image, so does low self-esteem. The good news is that even if you identified with some of the signs above, low self-esteem can be worked through and overcome with time. I should know. I did it!