Turning Points

I had just arrived at my destination for the weekend. A weekend with some wonderful volunteers, many of whom I hadn't seen in a while. I was looking forward to spending some time with these amazing women, teaching them some new skills, getting to know them better, and basically just relaxing and having a good time. As Girl Scouts, we already had a special bond, and this weekend was meant to strengthen that bond by connecting life-long Scouts and volunteers with our newer members. I was eager to get started. But first I just needed to call and check on my dad. 

 My dad had recently moved in with me and my family after the death of my mother. He suffered from Alzheimer's and just needed a little extra support. Normally, he would have stayed at home with my husband. But it just happened that he was also out of town for work. And so I had checked my dad into an assisted living facility for a trial visit. If he liked it, we had discussed moving him there so he would have company during the day. I worried about him alone all day out on the dirt road while my husband and I were at work. When I dropped him off I promised I would call him as soon as I got to GS Camp, just to see how he was doing. The facility had been recommended by several people I knew who also had aging parents, so I was confident that he would find his stay enjoyable. 

The phone rang several times before someone answered it. When I identified myself and asked to speak to my dad, there was silence on the other end of the line. Then suddenly the night manager was on the line. It seemed they did not know where my dad was. The facility was not that large, so I questioned how hard it would be to have someone go look for him. And that's when they dropped the bomb. He was not in the facility. Somehow he had been able to walk out the front door and was now somewhere in downtown Rogers...presumably. They had staff out looking for him and she assured me they would find him. I told her I was on my way back and hung up the phone. 

I informed the other staff and the volunteers of the situation and ran to my car to begin the drive home. It was only 2 hours but it was the longest 2 hours of my life. As I raced towards home, I silently berated myself. How could I have left him in such a place? Why didn't I reschedule the training weekend? How was I supposed to DO this...take care of him and not completely disrupt my own life? 

I reached the facility in record time, totally stressed and sick with worry. What if they hadn't found him? What if he was lost or injured? I was sure he was frightened by not knowing where he was. I ran inside and thankfully, there he was. Sitting on a sofa in the common area. Drinking a cup of coffee. That's where he had gone. He thought he had seen a coffee shop next door when I dropped him off (it wasn't) and he wanted a cup of coffee. He was looking for one when a police officer found him. Then he looked at me with fear in his eyes and asked, "Why did you leave me here? Did you forget me?" I'm not sure how he was able to actually walk out the front door of the facility without someone stopping him. And I worried that he might one day decide to go for a cup of coffee while he was alone at my house. Only this time there wouldn't be anyone to go look for him quickly. Life on the dirt road is a bit secluded! 

It was in that moment that I knew I had to make a change. I had to find a way to care for my dad and still make a living. As I drove back to camp with him in tow (yes, I registered him. At 72, my dad became the oldest first time Girl Scout!), I started thinking. I realized that I had simply been playing "sort of." I "sort of" had a business at home, but not really. I "sort of" knew what I needed to do to actually make money...but not really. I "sort of" put in the effort to learn and grow...unless I was busy with something - ANYTHING! - else. And I knew that the reason for my failure was my own doubt and uncertainty. It was distorting my perceptions and allowing me to be overpowered by fear. 

As I drove through the darkness back towards camp, I started telling him where we were going and why. I told him about all of the new volunteers who were taking on the daunting task of helping to mold our girls into capable, courageous young women, even though many of them were hesitant and uncertain. But they had stepped up in faith that those of us who had gone before would teach them and support them. Because without them, there would be no troop for their daughters. There would be no programs to teach them and help them grow. And so they stepped forward, because they had no choice. Their daughters needed them. They would find a way to figure it out. And that thought taught me a powerful lesson - a truth that became the turning point in my business. 

I was like these women. Hesitant and uncertain. But I had no choice. My dad needed me. I needed to step up in faith that I would find a way to figure it out. I knew people. Successful people. It was time I stopped faking it and started actually making it! I looked at my dad, smiling and content to be going with me on an adventure as he called it, and made the decision that NOTHING would stop me from doing what I needed to do to care for him. 

How about you? Are you "sort of" building a business? Are you letting fear and uncertainty hold you back? Are you letting the naysayers convince you that you cannot succeed? Are you ready to step out in faith that you can do this? Do you believe there are many people out there that will help you? That weekend was the turning point in my business where I realized how much was at stake. And as we take this journey together, I want today to be a turning point for you. 

So here are some things to think about. 

• What is your "WHY"? Why are you building a business? And no, it's not so you can have more     money or more time. It's the reason you want more money, more time. My why was caring for my dad. Now it's spending time with my husband and family. I'm a Boomer. I'm not getting any younger. I want to experience all I can with them while I'm still able. It's important to know your "WHY". When your "WHY" is big enough, you will find the "HOW". I promise!  
• As you make the commitment to finally do this thing, you have to tune out the naysayers and "Negative Nellies." There will always be people who doubt you. Don't listen to them! Surround yourself with people who will build you up and support you. There are lots of us out here! You may have to leave some of your old friends and acquaintances behind as yo you start your new life. And that may be hard. But if you want to succeed, you must cut the negativity from your environment. Trust me. You will face enough challenges without someone standing behind you telling you this is never going to work. 
• Find the tools and training you need to succeed. Yes, this will probably require an investment. But you don't have to invest a fortune to get started. You can invest thousands of dollars if you really want to. But until you are truly on your way and actually making some money, why bother? There are plenty of tools and training and coaching available for a very small investment. I invite you to join the Ninja Marketers. Here you will find a community of entrepreneurs who support and help each other succeed. Best of all...it's free!

When we reach that point in our life where we know it's time to focus... That it's time to turn away from fear and uncertainty... When we accept the fact that we can be successful if we put our heart into it... We create the turning point in our businesses and we begin to truly become entrepreneurs. In doing so, we can actually change our lives, and the lives of our families. We can fulfill that "WHY". 

So, are you ready to start turning? 

My life changed that weekend. No I was not able to reach the point where I could stay home and care for my dad. But I was able to leave the job that required me to travel and take a part time job closer to home. And he was able to live with me until the end. He spent his last years in our home, surrounded by kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. It doesn't get much better than that.

Tools for Overcoming Fear and Becoming Fierce

Fear often shows up when you decide to be fierce. It’s that nagging voice in the back of your mind that makes you doubt yourself, worry you’ve made the wrong choice, and wonder if you shouldn’t turn back. This fear is holding you back from living your best life. Fortunately, you don’t have to live with it. There are tools that can help you overcome it. Here are just a few…

Build a Strong Support Network

Surround yourself with other fierce women. That’s what I did when I retired from the military. I became friends with many of the women involved in local issues and politics. Talk about some FIERCE women! Every week, I would have lunch or coffee with the women I now call my “dream team”.  And even though it's been 20+ years...and even though COVID-19 has put a TEMPORARY halt to the lunches and coffees...I still connect with many of them regularly. We support each other through the ups and downs of marriages, children, careers, health concerns, and more.

The more you're surrounded by brave action, the more likely you will be able to step past the fear. Knowing that you have a network of women who will always have your back can motivate you to try new and exciting things.

Get to the Root

What’s really making you feel funky? Are you worried about starting your own business? Or are you simply worried that your spouse won’t be supportive? Are you fretting over publishing your memoir? Or are you nervous over what your mom will think about it?

Sometimes we fear other people’s reactions more than we actually fear doing something. The activity is easy. Dealing with the fallout can feel much harder.

Ask: “So What?”

When Jenny wanted to start a business flipping houses, her stepfather fretted that she would lose everything she owned and end up homeless. He kept bringing up the issue and eventually, Jenny got into tizzy.

A kind friend asked, “So what?” She pointed out to Jenny that she’d already been homeless once before and survived. “Even if you fail,” Her friend said, “It’s not the end of the world. It’s just one more step in your journey.”

When you’re worried about what could go wrong on your next adventure, take a moment to think through the consequences. Are they really that bad? Or do they merely seem that way at first glance?

Embrace Prayer

I find that leaning into prayer can help me deal with my fears. Turns out I'm not alone. Research has shown that many people turn to prayer when confronted with a fearful situation. You can do this by repeating a beloved Bible verse, asking God for peace, or listening to worship music.

One reason that prayer can be effective is because it reminds us that we’re not in control. When you view yourself as part of a bigger picture, then things like failing an assignment or getting rejected on a dating app don’t overwhelm you in the same way.

Try Meditation

Betty is a public speaker. When she worries about sharing her message in front of a new crowd, she meditates. She imagines the event and focuses on all the ways it can go right. This positivity helps her disconnect from her fear.

There are plenty of guided meditations on YouTube. Some meditations encourage listeners to think of walking through a forest, a winter snowstorm, or relaxing on the beach. These recordings can be relaxing and help you release any anxiety or fear you’re carrying.

Overcoming fear isn’t a one-time task. Fear will always rise to bring challenge in you, no matter what you’re doing. The goal isn’t to get rid of fear. It’s to embrace fear, thank it for what it’s teaching you, and live your life.

Do It Afraid

Stop letting fear hold you back!

When you’re focused on becoming fierce, it won’t be long until you bump up against some fears. Maybe you worry about what other people will think. Perhaps you doubt you can accomplish your goals. Maybe you’re trying something no one else has done before. Whatever your reasons, fear is a natural part of the process. It’s your inner voice trying to keep you safe.

The problem is that you can’t grow if you’re always living in your safety zone. If you truly want to grow and become fierce, you have to leave the comfort of the known. Here are a few tips to make that journey easier…

Take a Tiny Step

I almost drowned as a child and I used to be afraid to go near bodies of water after that. So when I had to learn to swim in college, I was panic-stricken. But swimming was part of the PE class that was required and so I had no choice.

I took a tiny step by going to my local store and purchasing a swim suit. A few days later, I went to observe my friend during her swimming class and observed a kind nun teaching her students how to float. (All-girl Catholic college, y'all).

The next time I went to the pool, I went into the water ankle high. I kept focusing on the tiny steps one at a time so my big goal didn’t feel quite so overwhelming or impossible. With the support of Sister Cornelius, I was able to swim 6 different strokes by the end of the semester! (Too bad I couldn't use them when my kayak flipped! But those lessons did keep me from panicking!)

Ask for Accountability

Sometimes, overcoming a fear is easier if you know other people are watching you. For example, when I wanted to finish my first book. I'd been talking about it for years but had never actually completed it. So I announced publicly that I would be writing my book that year.

I joined an online writing group and posted daily about my progress. Knowing that my fellow writers were following my journey gave me the courage to keep going. Even on the days when I didn’t feel like writing, I still showed up because I didn’t want to let myself down. And I didn't want the other group members to see me quit.

Create a Point of No Return

Barb had struggled with video marketing for years. She wanted to do it but she was terrified of messing up in front of the camera. So she would record a few takes, get discouraged that her videos weren’t perfect then give up.

But Barb’s husband encouraged her to create a point of no return so that she had to post daily videos that were livestreaming. Barb liked the idea because it would force her to let go of her perfectionist tendency. So she announced that she was doing daily Facebook Live videos on her fan page.

At first, no one paid attention to Barb and that made it easier for her to keep going. As time went on, her reach grew and she started to build a supportive community around her videos.

Bring a Friend

You can go a step further than I did and bring a friend along with you on your next adventure. My friend Chris loves to try new things. But she is older and a bit shy and so she worries she’ll feel out of place. So she invites me to go with her so she doesn’t have to face a bunch of strangers on her own.

I have discovered many new things and have had some interesting experiences while tagging along with Chris. And Chris has discovered some exiting new hobbies that she loves and has made a whole new circle of friends. It all started because we were willing to be fierce together.

If you’re struggling to become fierce, don’t keep it inside. Find an accountability partner or a supportive friend and do it afraid. Then watch as your life is transformed by new fierce choices

How To Be Fierce...Right Now!

Some of you may know that my first marriage was not good. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. When we finally divorced, I had to start the process of rebuilding my entire life. Most days, I felt fragile as glass and feared I’d been permanently broken.

Fortunately, I had two things going for me. I was still on active duty where I didn't have the option of not getting up and moving every day. And I had supportive friends who encouraged me to see myself differently. I am not damaged or broken. I am fierce and fearless. It takes a warrior to live through what I did and survive. I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for.

It doesn’t matter whether it was a bad day, a horrific marriage, or the loss of a loved one, we all survive circumstances that leave us feeling anything but strong. It’s easy to feel weak, like you have to hide who you are.

But with time and patience, you can reclaim your fierceness and own every part of your story….

Lean into Your Values

The first step to becoming fierce is to define your values. Whether you realize it or not, your values drive every decision you make.

If you look back at the moments in your life that you most regret, chances are you’ll see that you stepped on your values in some way. Maybe you said “yes” to a relationship, job, or commitment that wasn’t a good fit.

But defining your values can feel tricky. There are hundreds of different values and you want the ones you choose to be true to you. That’s where a course like My Values Workshop can be helpful.

Focus on What You Want

What you focus on often expands. This is great when you’re focused on values that matter to you and inspire you to be your best self.

But it’s easy to get into the habit of focusing on the negative. The more you say things like, “I don’t have enough time” or “I can never afford anything nice” or “I’m not fierce”, the more these things become your truth. You live them out even if you don’t want to.

Have an Opinion

When someone else asks you where you want to go to eat or what to do with an empty Friday night, you don’t pipe up. You say something like, “I don’t care. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.”

Maybe you think this makes you easygoing or laid back. But often, the root behind a lack of opinion has more to do with not valuing yourself. You matter, too. Your thoughts and feelings matter and your opinions count.

Own Who You Are

Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. If you’re an artist that sees the possibility in everything, honor that. If you’re the writer who spins stories to entertain yourself or others, honor that. If you’re the photographer that feels compelled to capture all of the special moments of your day, honor that.

Don’t shrink back, afraid to shine for fear someone else will be dimmed by your shadow. There’s more than enough light to go around!

Remember becoming fierce is about being willing to throw yourself into whatever you care about with intensity and passion. It’s about being your authentic self and owning your awesomeness.

Three Fierce and Fearless Women

There’s no shortage of fierce and fearless women in the world today. But sometimes, it can feel like you’re alone in your desire to be a strong woman. Here are three real life role models to inspire you on your journey and remind you that you’re not alone…

Whitney Way Thore

Whitney became a sensation when her YouTube videos, A Fat Girl Dancing, went viral. The resulting media attention sparked Whitney to begin a movement called No Body Shame and even landed her a TV show titled My Big Fat Fabulous Life.

In a world where plus-sized women are often body shamed, Whitney is a fierce and fearless example of self-love and body positivity. Though she’s dealt with a fair amount of trolls, Whitney continues to bravely share her journey with the world, encouraging others to own who they are and become comfortable in their skin.

She also wrote a book about her experiences titled I Do It with the Lights On. In the book, she shares 10 life-lessons that enable her to live a shame-free life.

Malala Yousafzai

Malala was a young girl living in Pakistan. Her father was a teacher in charge of the village’s school. But everything changed in 2008 when the Taliban came into power. Along with other strict rules, girls were no longer allowed to attend school.

Although she was young, Malala felt the need to stand up for herself and other girls that were being deprived of an education. But her outspokenness came at a cost—she was shot in the head leaving school one day.

Miraculously, Malala recovered from her injuries and she refused to let the violence stop her. She went on to begin the Malala Fund with her father. The organization fights for the rights of girls everywhere to get an education.

To learn more about Malala and her story, you can read her riveting book, I Am Malala.

Michelle Obama

As a former First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama is so much more than a political figure. She is known around the world as a woman who champions women’s rights and stands up for the oppressed.

But she’s also humble and in touch with those she served. During her time in the White House, she often referred to herself as “Mom-in-Chief”.

Her notable accomplishments during her husband’s presidential career included launching the “Let’s Move!” campaign to solve the childhood obesity epidemic. Besides overhauling school lunches with healthy alternatives, the program also gives free or deeply discounted meals to school children living in poverty.

Michelle was influential in starting the “Joining Forces” initiative to support U.S. troops and their families. This initiative sought to provide education for loved ones of soldiers as well as new employment opportunities for veterans.

In 2018, she published her memoir, Becoming, which went on to become a best-seller. In the book, Michelle chronicles the journey of her life, from her childhood and her career as a lawyer before diving into her time in the White House.

You don’t have to be politician or a viral sensation to become a fierce and fearless woman. There are many paths to being fearless and fierce and it doesn’t matter which one you take. What’s important is that you enjoy the journey and learn about yourself as you go.

Is Your Facebook Profile Open For Business?

Are you using Facebook for business? If you're an entrepreneur, you probably are. I mean you COULD just be using it to watch cat videos. But I'm guessing since you're a reader of my blog, you are a fellow business person. And I'm also guessing you would like to get more business from Facebook.

But wait? Doesn't Facebook dislike you doing business on your profile? Could they close your account for doing so? Yes...and yes! If you do it incorrectly! But did there are actually ways to market your business ON YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE that are perfectly acceptable. 

The truth is your Facebook profile carries a treasure trove of real-estate primed for your marketing efforts. But most people don't realize it because Facebook doesn't share that fact. But just knowing these 5 tips could change your profile from dull into a profit-generating machine!

Okay...I know what you are thinking. This sounds like a sales pitch. What are you offering and how much does it cost.

I'm not going to lie. It IS a pitch...of sorts. But I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm not going to ask you to give me your email address so I can add you to my mailing list and then bombard you with unending emails. 

I do have an offer. And it is totally, 100%, no hidden conditions or fine print....FREE!

That's right. Totally FREE!

I am offering to take 30 minutes of my time to sit down with you and do an audit of your Facebook profile to show you where you can make a few simple changes to better optimize it for business. And all I want from you is your promise that you will try at least a few of the things I suggest. And if they make a difference, let me know.

You see, when I started in business, I was fortunate to find mentors along the way who were willing to share with me all that they had learned. And the only cost was the promise that one day, when I was in a position to do so, I would pay it forward. And so, I honor that promise as I have done for the many years I have successfully been in business...by sharing what they have taught me and what I have learned on my own.

If you want to get an audit of your FB profile, here's how. Send me a message on FB and just ask for it. You can find me here. 

What Does It Look Like to Be Fierce and Fearless?

My friend Paula was a lawyer living in Philadelphia. Through a mentoring program, she met Sasha, a teenage girl who was growing up in the foster care system. She was routinely moved and often only spent a week or two with each new family.

After Sasha was kicked out and left on the streets, Paula took her in. Many of Paula’s friends and family didn’t support her decision. They pointed out that teenagers with traumatic backgrounds can be difficult or unruly. One of Paula’s friends turned it into a race issue, claiming Paula shouldn’t be willing to open her home to a young woman of a different race. Can you imagine?!

But through it all, Paula leaned into her own instincts. She navigated the legal system until she was given full custody. The years that followed were difficult at times but Paula’s never once regretted her decision.

Going for What You Want

Anna had dreamed about writing a book for years. But even though she knew I had finally published mine, she hesitated. She’d been diagnosed with a learning disorder in school and her teachers had made fun of her. Her self-esteem was low and she never pursued her dream.

Then a supportive friend told Anna about Frank McCourt. He was an author who wrote his memoir titled Angela’s Ashes, a book which went on to win many prestigious awards including the Pulitzer Prize. But what most people don’t know is Frank didn’t complete the book until he was sixty-six years old.

Anna listened to her friend and began writing her book. It was slow going and her husband often mocked her for spending her time working on what he called a “pipe dream”. But after several rounds of revisions, Anna’s book went on to sell to a major New York publishing house.

Creating More Joy in the World

Maddie was a home organizer. She loved getting to help her clients organize their lives so everything flowed effortlessly. She built a big stable of clients and she always had more thanks to the positive things her former clients said about her.

Eventually, Maddie was approached by a TV producer. He liked what Maddie was doing and her way of breaking through to clients. He wanted to gather some footage of Maddie going about her normal job and show it to a network company.

At first, Maddie said no. She worried that taking on this new project would take away from her existing clients. But Maddie’s mom encouraged her to look at the happiness she gave to her clients. “Now imagine being able to reach hundreds or thousands of people and share that joy with them.”

Maddie took her mom’s advice and agreed to the producer’s request. A few weeks after the initial footage was done, Maddie received a phone call. One of the TV network executives loved her work and wanted to talk with her.

To be fierce and fearless you don’t have to become a foster mom, write a book or launch your own TV show. These are just a few examples of what it could look like.

You might prefer to be fierce and fearless in a different way. Maybe you’ll travel the world, complete the Ironman Triathlon, learn a new language, or climb a mountain. Whatever you decide to do, choose an activity that sparks joy for you!